A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:There is something wrong going on here... I had a date with a girl that I met on an online dating site last night and kept it relatively light, good conversation flowed and she seemed happy to talk about a wide variety of topics (i.e. - school, family, traveling, sports, tv/movies and general interests). However, at the end when I suggested another date next weekend, she bluntly said that she has a few more dates planned with other guys and will get back to me. I did mentioned that I had a good time and all of that stuff. My interpretation of this is a kind and polite way of her saying thanks, but not interested.I'm obviously not doing something right here, as every first date that I've been on never progressed to another date with the exception of one girl who threw herself onto me (For the record, I wasn't really into her and after a month of dating, we mutually agreed to break it off). I have always presented a true picture of myself, personality and not trying to pretend to be another person. Being myself isn't good enough? I'm starting to second guess and realize that I am missing certain qualities to attract a girl. Perhaps I am not interesting or outgoing enough. It is frustrating that I can't pinpoint why this is continuing to go on and I hate the fact that I can only keep on losing at dating. At this point, I just feel like throwing in the towel and giving up on this. I don't have "it". Reply to this Question
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male
reader, grymsoul  +, writes (26 May 2012):
 There are more people in that boat with you more than you think. For example, that girl you just dated. Did you stop to think for one second that maybe she's feeling the same way? She probably doesn't understand why she's dating so many guys and can't yet seem to find Mr.right. You should be doing the same thing that she's doing. Instead of focusing on one or two girls at a time, put your effort into mingling with a handfull. Just like the saying goes "Don't put all of you eggs into one handbasket".
I happen to be talking to several girls at a time and it's not stressful when one disappears. After all, there are still a dozen left to try my luck with. But then again, I'm not looking for love or a relationship so it's easier for me not to miss them when they leave.
The trick is to talk to many girls at the same time. Staying on just one will get you to be too hopeful and she will detect the desperation in your personality. Then she will reject you for it. Be relaxed, easygoing, show interest but not anticipation for a second date. In fact, YOU give her the "Don't know when we can date again because I'll be too busy" It will get HER to start thinking about you.
They always say a girl notices you more when you ignore her. In my case, that has never been closer to the truth.
Good luck.
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (26 May 2012):
 You shouldn't blame yourself. The thing with on line dating is it probably is a true fact that people on the website go on multiple dates to try and find there best match. As long as you are just being yourself and showing an interest in a girl then really you are not doing any thing wrong. At the end of the day you should not try to be someone you are not. Just don't give up and sure the right girl is out there somewhere for you, even if it means going on another 20 failed dates. Just keep trying, remember the more dates you go on the better chance there is to find someone. Good luck.
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A
male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (25 May 2012):
I think the type of dating you are doing, most guys are doing as well and these girls are maybe looking for something more rather than just a normal date. Remember while u might be connected based on her looks and gentle personality, a girl is hoping for that deeper connection. Like something similar to a spark perhaps. You WILL probably find a girl but if it bothers you that much you should try to spice it up a bit like with the venue or doing something that makes a good 1st impression...I'm not really sure myself of what exactly but I guess it's like that movie called Hitch.
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