A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Ok so my situation is kind of long but any help would be greatly appreciated.I have been dating this guy named Sam for about a month and it's been nothing serious, we just go for coffees or dinners. He pays sometimes, I pay sometimes. Super, super casual. We barely talk about it becoming serious but I know he wants it to be and I want it to be too.Meanwhile, at work there is this guy named Mark who has been asking me out on dates. I kept turning him down with excuses until I eventually decided to say yes because Sam was beginning to pull away from me. That's why I never told Mark about Sam because I thought perhaps it was going to crumble.So I went on a date with Mark, I thought I'd take a chance and go out of my comfort zone. It was fantastic. And everyone at work is ecstatic that we finally got together. We've become the gossip of the entire workplace! He's really sweet to me, no kissing yet even though we've had many opportunities to this past week. Meanwhile Sam calls me the day after my date with Mark and he tells me how sorry he is for giving me the cold shoulder and for not seeming serious. He really wants to be with me and he's willing to go as slow as I want. These are all the things I really wanted to hear. And he came and picked me up from my house and we talked (just talked) for hours! Now I know what you're thinking. Why this sudden change of heart? How do you know he's changed? He's taken so many steps to make me feel more comfortable that I can't help but believe him. He calls me when he says he will if not sooner. He's being sweet to me and romantic.So now I find myself caught between these two "What ifs". One guy I am completely mad about and I want to date him really badly. And the other is ridiculously adorable and I want to date him too. I need to also add that all of my work friends are butting in and telling me to go for Mark and not Sam. and I'm a little afraid that if I do choose Sam that the people at work (not to mention mark) will be furious.Look, I'm not upset about people gossiping, it's not my problem if they do and I really could care less. My main problem is that I don't want to lose either of them and I'm dying over who to choose. I really like Sam, I think it may become something really, really serious. But Marc is fantastic and I've had a crush on him for a while and the fact that he is exactly who I expected him to be it just the icing on the cake.I know I sound like a complete player or a girl who doesn't know how to make up her mind. This has never happened to me before. The last relationship I was in lasted 3 years and it ended about 9 months ago.I guess my question is do you have any advice for me? Should I wait it out to see what happens since things still aren't serious between any of us? Or is that not fair to either of them and I should just tell them? Or should I choose one and just roll the dice? Should I listen to the people at work? or should I go with Sam because he was the first?Thanks so much
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2011): I think you schould compare the two a bit... a pros and cons list is always helpfull. I would ask them questions about stuff that you yourself think is really importent and see if their opponions macth yours. Then think about how they make you feel, It´s really importent to souround yourself with people who appriciate you and make you feel good!
So in short: Give it a little more time to grow and you will know who is the right one for you
Hope it works out!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2011): I reckon you should go for Sam. You said yourself that you just talked for hours and hours, and talking is the key in any relationship.
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