A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've been having a tough period in my life lately trying to decide between two guys. One of them, i've known and dated for 4 1/2 years (guy #1) and the other i just recently met (guy #2). guy #1 has never cheated on me or did ne thing to hurt me, but he lives very far away from me (8 hr dive distance) but he flies every once a month to visit me even though he is striving for money. I like him very much and everytime i see him, I have such a great time. But my mom recently made me go to a party and i met guy #2. We talked the whole entire night from 1am to 6am straight, on christmas. He even confessed his feelings for me the next day and felt like we really clicked. I felt like we did really click but i didnt want to start talking to him or hang out with him again since i might like him even more. I am still dating guy #1 and he is a very jealous type. I tried to tell him about the other guy and he said if i ever hung out with him our relationship would not feel the same since i am going to start talking to another guy, and he probably would end our relationship.My mom feels i should get to know guy #2 more because she actually works with him at her job and has known him for 4 yrs and knows hes a real nice guy and said is even nicer than guy #1. I just dont know what to do in this kind of situation, I dont want to end up hurting anyone either and losing a relationship of 4 1/2 yrs. I tried to maybe secretly talk to guy #2 but its so hard since i m always on the phone with guy #1 and plus i just feel weird having to lie to my bf all the time, which i dont like doing.In this kind of situation, what do you think I should do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the advice and i've been trying to be truthful to him (guy #1) but everytime it seems i tell him the truth he just ends up getting mad at me and threatening to end our relationship if i ever hang out with him or talk to him (guy #2) again. I feel so trapped in this relationship with guy #1, but i do like him a lot; its just that sometimes he gets a little too jealous and prevents me from doing stuff i want to do.
And what if i do end up liking guy #2 more than my bf? It'll just lead to a whole big mess in the future. But then again, I want also to know that I am making the right decision with whom im going to spend the rest of my life with.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2008): Well, in my opinion, you've been with your boyfriend for 4 1/2 years, which is a long time! And the newer guy, you've only known him a fraction of that.
I think, after you've been with somebody so long, its natural to take more of an interest in other people, because you start to wonder if there's something you're missing out on, or maybe someone else could give you something that your current boyfriend is not. Unless these feelings are overpowering and too strong for you to resist, then I wouldn't worry about whether you're being unfaithful in your mind.
One thing is for certain though, you musn't lie to your boyfriend. You've been together a long time, and surely by now you can talk to each other and be totally open? I know its hard, and in honesty, it could cause a few minor problems. But in the long run, you and your boyfriend could be so much stronger because of this. It can be the tough times that makes you stronger.
Give it another shot with your boyfriend, but don't lie to him or yourself about your feelings.
Try not to fantasise or have too many thoughts on the newer guy, as this would certainly come between you and your boyfriend when you're with him.
But please, whatever you do, don't be unfaithful. As if your 4 1/2 year relationship comes to an end, I'm sure you'd rather be remembered as the girl that told him the truth, and sadly the relationship finished, rather than the girl that proved herself unfaithful and broke his heart.
I hope this helps, good luck.
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