A
female
age
51-59,
*ostinlove1001
writes:Ok friends, I need some more help here. My bf and I have been dating for 10 months now, known each other for 8 years and dated in the past for a year. I was afraid to let him abck into my life when he came knocking because I was left brokenhearted years ago, but I still loved him so I gave it another go. These past few months have been nothing but a waiting game. He's had a lot going on his life, and I've been patient while things have cooled down. He's finally situated but now there are more excuses. The problem is that we only see each other about once a week. I don't want to smother him, but I think its ridiculous that after all this time we still hardly ever see each other. We do talk every day, several times a dayan and text but its just not enough. I am not happy with the situation, but love him terribly and the thought of leaving him makes me nauseous. He recently bought a house, that purchase with the fact that I talked about getting married a lot (my bad, I pushed and I shouldn't have) may have scared him off.We fought last week, but we made up and acertained that he does love me, wants to be with me and his feelings are strong. I do not sense another woman, and he ob viously dosent want to break up with me, otherwise he would have already. He tells me he loves me and misses me and always asks me if I love him and miss him. When I say yes, he sounds so suprised. Why?! The one thing this man is, is a straight shooter. He does not lie, he does not fabricate and is honest. If he didn't want me, hed say so and be done. So thoughts obviously not what he wants...so what the heck does he want then? I want to give him his space but I am TERRIBLY lonley and fear I am just wasting my time. I want a boyfriend, not a once a week "friend". We hardly see each other, our sex life is practically nonexsistant (once a week), and it stinks. What can I do? What should I do? Do I give him space and suffer? If so, for how long? Do I talk to him? What do I say? I fear that if I tell him what I want he will walk. Please help me.
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male
reader, Jeff8  +, writes (16 July 2010):
Something has to give and neither of you sound very ready to. You are both old enough to know what your priorities are in life and, assuming there isnt another woman involved, then his are work and a major amount of independence and yours are full commitment to a relationship. You are incompatible sexually and if it 'stinks' now it won't get any better in future. Right now you are one half of a relationship that isnt there: he sees your desire to create some common life experiences --essential to maintaining the feeling of being part of each other's lives--as clinging and intrusive. I mean this guy sits down to a meal once a day, right? And he'd rather eat all alone than spend tbat hour with you? Something's not right here. You deserve more than crumbs.Don't let all your happiness depend on another person: apparently he doesn't and seems to be getting on with his life pretty comfortably. I would say that since you only see him once a week, instead of spending the other six moping around waiting for the doorbell to ring, why not focus on putting some life, fun and adventure into your own life without him. Then let him be the one convincing you that he's worth more than one night a week. Life is short and isn't meant to be spent composing text messages. If he's not willing or able to give you enough moments worth remembering, then go out and look for some more on your own. Don't worry. You'll find them.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2010): Before you talk to him about it, do you help with payments on the house or bills? If so, he might be keeping you for that sole reason. Also, is it his job that doesn't allow for him to see you more than once a week? What's occupying all his time? That will help to answer why he doesn't give you more attention or time, and what you can both do about it. It will also help as to why he seems so surprised when you say how much you love and miss him. Please fill us in, and I'll be glad to offer my two cents.
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