A
female
age
41-50,
*eartbroken80
writes:It could be a saying that TIME HEALS the PAIN. But when Im sensing these lines, its become unfulfilling.My 2 broken relationships have left me devastated and being unable to think of anyone is all because of the trust and fear if the person who loves me ever in this life would be sincere. Not sure if im the unlucky person in the world. Here is the story of my love life begins. Not to be imagined as a film, but in reality gone thru much hurt and pain and still not out of the PAIN and the agonising memories. My first bf fell in love and with a pure and intense feelings in this relationship of 4 months , has left me to get another girl who left her bf of 6 yrs.It was painful for me everytime I got to know he is with her at this place at this time.My heart could not take it anymore as and when I could not resist to be without calling him and sharing my pain , he confessed that he loves the new girl and is ready to marry. Over the period of time, a common friend of this new girl's ex bf fell in love with me , which I dint know he liked me and I kept on talking and sharing my pain the depression I went thru with my ex bf. Every now and then he would be hurt if Im thinking of him , but days went on and on with be showing the friendship to this so-called the second bf who confessed he cannot be my friend but wants a serious relationship. I was disturbed and didnt know what to do, because me becoming close friend now made me feel uneasy and I had memories of my ex bf. He won my heart by taking care of me and I started liking him. Once we became close having turned into relationship , he then refused to accept me in his life and could not marry because of his parents since he was the only son, and me being a different religion. I loved this man so deeply than my ex , that I would do anything to make him happy but the bottomline remained that he would not be able to accept me. He still loved me , and I could not get away from him because I felt someday he will accept me if she still loved and doesnt want to miss me. I had 3 times fight , the big fights which we were almost to breakup. But since I still loved him , I forgave his misdoings and misunderstandings and got back to him. It was something like this that I just cant think of my life outside his world. I was ready to accept him the way he is, but it wasnt the other way because of the reason of his parents.A day came where he took decision to accept another girl as per their religion,caste, tradition. And it was difficult for him initially but he was able to do anything for his parents even to an extent of hurting me like anything. Our realtionship was going on for 4 yrs, and the next year his family chose the girl. I could not take it, but accepted the fact the life is not a filmy but to move on and let him go with his decision to fulfill his parents dreams. Until one and half years, his wedding was yet to be decided, and I still could not let him go out of my heart to any other girl. But he was clear on accepting another girl, he was still secretly meeting me since I wanted to meet him because I continued to love him even though it was painful and hurting situation. I felt the day is coming where it will be disaster for me accept the same as my first bf was going around with another girl front of my eys. The intimacy that I shared with this second person in my life is just unforgettable for me since I dont love a person so easily and have done anything to meet him and talk to him.Now he is got married and happily settled with his wife as per his parent's decision. Its been a month now, that Im unable to take this pain and hurt and just not able to imagine that he is with someone.After so many years , Im now left devasted and he doesnt care for me now and tells me he wants to be my friend since he is married now and cannot leave his wife.Everytime I see him at work, my heart pains and hurts. Tears roll down my cheeks every now and then with no ones notice.I have spent sleepless nights just crying with pain all alone and no one to share with. I wanted to die , because I didnt see any happiness within apart from him. He became the most important person and the first priority in my life.I had a meeting with him recently and he said he had to hurt me which he had no choice. He said its difficult but we can try to become friends. He is the one who has always taken the decision what he wants from me from the time we knew each other which I felt I have given him so much liberty to do anything with me.(Its my mistake, I regret on it)After so many years of relationship, I could not look at him now after he getting married to someone I felt so uneasy. He understands my pain , but keeps quiet.My heart aches so much to think the second person whom I loved is moved on and with the new person.Is it possible to be a friend to this man?
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2011): Oh my goodness! I'm absolutely heartbroken for you. Listen hun, you gotta move on. You had no right to be treated this way. You deserve way better. Like they always say, third time is always lucky. If you continue to be friends with this man, you'll never move on. You'll be more upset. Yes, you are upset, but you gotta take care of yourself first. I know it's easy for me to say, but it took me ages to forget about my first love.
Here's what happened: very similar situation. I knew him for six years. During the years when he and I were very close, his parents always kept an eye on us. When they found out that their son actually liked me and wanted to take our relationship onto another level, his parents got crazy and mad. His father told me after church when my parents weren't around that "I could never be good enough for his son." After that episode, they disappeared off to Melbourne. They knew their youngest son would follow them. So they persuaded him to follow them to Melbourne. He didn't even end up telling me he was going. They got him a place in Melbourne and everything. He was going to leave without letting me know because he knew I would be hurt. But i found out through my own parents. Everything changed. I was upset, angry, and mad, because i knew his parents had someone else in mind for him. Plus his parents are influential and persuasive people, both hardworking, - his dad is a GP and his mum is a midwife. Funny thing that they told me i wasn't good enough for their son when i was studying to be a doctor and i always wanted to follow in his father's footsteps. Always looked up to him. But that changed too. He's now gone to Australia, and it was soo hard.
Anyway, took me a long time. Cried all the time, didn't eat or sleep. Seeing him at church made me wanna cry too. Then i realised i had to move on. I had to live my own life, i wanted to be happy, i wanted to do all the things that i didn't get to do when i was with him. So slowly, i started hanging out with my friends, went for a lot of runs and couple of months later, i believe im better off without him. I realised there are other guys who treat me better, wayyy better and whose own parents respect me and like me for me. So my point is, you can definitely do it! You don't deserve to be treated like this. I really really hope u end up finding the right guy because no one like you deserves to be treated this way. I still can't believe this has happened to you. I want to give you a big hug :D.
Anyway, what i said before: move on because if you continue to be friends with him, you are going to become more upset. Plus, you only have one life to live. There IS someone out there who's wayyyy better for you. I believe everything happens for a reason. Really I do. I know your heart is broken but it will mend ok? Take care and look after yourself alright? :)
A
female
reader, mint  +, writes (21 December 2010):
 I think becoming his friend would just hurt you even more, you're obviously not over him so you should try to stay away from him, you should move on, there's someone out there for you just keep looking and I'm sure the third man you fall in love with will be 'the one'.
Good luck x
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