A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I am recently divorced after being married for about 15 years. The divorce was not something I wanted but my ex husband met someone else and wouldn't try with me any longer. Anyway I have now met a really nice man who I was friends with for years and years who has 3 children by 3 different woman and has also been to prison. I say he is a nice man because I worked with him for a long time and got to know him and he unfortunately got caught up in a load of trouble which resulted in him going to prison for 4 years. The problem is I am fortunate to be quite well off, have a good career, one child and live in a beautiful home in Surrey. My boyfriend is a hard worker but cannot make the kind of money I earn and struggles with his pride over this. My other issue is that I rarely get to spend any time with him when his children or at least one of them are not present. My question is can this kind of chalk and cheese relationship work, he comes from the East End of London and I am an ex boarding school type. I love him and his children dearly but wonder if people from such different walks of life can stay together long term. He is a hard worker, genuine, kind and loving and very different from my city type ex husband. He never ever asks me for money and never asks me to even pay for a cup of tea so I don't think he wants me for my money! Any advice?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2009): This sounds a bit like Billy Joel and his uptown girl!
It's said that opposites attract, and that seems to be the case here. Maybe he loves you dearly, maybe he's looking to enjoy your lifestyle which is so different to what he's been used to. Only he knows what he really feels about you, and if he's being devious about his intentions, asking him isn't likely to reveal what they are. Difficult one this!
The biggest problem, I think, is the children. They may resent you for 'taking their father away from them', whether you are, or are not. 'Step' children can be a nightmare to deal with, whether you love them dearly or not.
I think you really need to get to know him better as a partner rather than a friend, and resist the temptation to have him move in with you for quite some time yet. The odd sleepover maybe, but not much more than that. The cultural differences between you could be quite insurmountable but you won't know if there's a problem with that sort of thing until you get to know him better.
All I'd say is to tread very carefully - and very slowly. He may have ulterior motives for being with you, but if he has he definitely won't show them until he's got his feet under your table.
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