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male
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anonymous
writes: My Sister who introduced me to her friends by giving me thier phone numbers. Her friend live abroad and I contacted them and arranged to go and see them.It went really well. I did a bit of sightseeing while getting to know them. I really like one of them but have only been in touch by phone. I am planning to go and visit them again.Is a long distance relationship really workable ? What is the best way of making it work ?
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female
reader, DrPsych  +, writes (10 August 2006):
 It can only work long distance if you really want it to, and you are prepared to make the extra effort. I was separated from my husband for visa reasons for over a year and half and I only saw him three times during that period because he lived 3000 miles away in another country. We made an effort by cards, emails and lots of phone calls to keep things ticking over - it was almost odd when he got his visa and came here as we had to start to learn how to talk to each other face to face again on a daily basis then! So, dont give up just because it is long distance but take your time to get to know this person - if all you know of them in person is brief trips abroad when they are on their best behaviour then you don't see the 'warts and all' bits about them that are revealed when you are in daily face 2 face contact. Good luck!!!
A
female
reader, Amethyst  +, writes (10 August 2006):
 That's right! Long distance can work!
Don't let distance sway your affections! Sure, it'll be hard if you really wish to see them, but you can visit. If you two get serious, who knows, maybe you two won't be so far apart for long. ^.~
There are PLENTY of people that have survived long distance relationships, and as one of them I can tell you: If you manage to get through the hardships, the rewards are great!
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A
female
reader, hannieseds  +, writes (9 August 2006):
 Hey there,
It most certainly CAN work! I am living proof!
I had known my man for many years before we got together, then I went over to New York (he stayed in New Zealand) for 2 years and we are still going strong 3 years after I have been back.
It is the easiest thing in the world when you have the love that we have. There was no question of not waiting for each other because the love we have is so strong. Of course it sucked more than anything in the world to be apart and the phone bills were horrible!
We had a date every week at the same day/time that we would talk on MSN messenger for about 5 hours, we never ever missed it. Of course there were other times we did as well, but if you have a set time and day every week you talk over the net (soo much cheaper!) then you can share your weeks worth of news and events. If it is scheduled you can't miss it! We talked on the phone almost everyday but that was only short calls because of the expense!
Little packages and surprises kept me going and we were always sending each other hand-written letters.
It can work out if both of you want the same thing and can handle the distance for a while.
Best of luck! xxx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2006): Is a long distance relationship really workable ? What is the best way of making it work ?
I've seen some work out really well, and others fail spectacularly.
Best way of making it work, hmm. You both need to be people who are "ok" with being apart. e.g. either one of you, or both of you don't start getting depressed and having mad thoughts of moving to be with the other one for, what would be, the wrong reasons.
There is a massive good thing about long distance relationships - you can really get to know the other person in quite a unique way. I mean, for a lot of people, they get together and pretty much straight away they are sleeping together and spending all their time with each other; getting caught up in the whole romantic feelings.
In a long-distance relationship, for starters, you arn't going to have the emotional consequences of having a sexual relationship [that often can cloud judgement]. Second, the type of communication you have will explore more important subjects. Personally speaking [who had a long distance relationship for a year] I got to know the girl VERY well because we talked so much and went through quite a few experiences that showed me how she reacted to certain situations (such as stress, pressure, being alone). When we next met up it was incredably strange because we felt we knew each other so well.
One last thing to mention: There will come a time when you two have a decision to make. What are you going to do more long-term? One of you is going to have to move countries to be with the other one! The only other alternative is to end the relationship. Unless you feel like one of you is likely to give up their life for the other, you should think whether or not it is worth getting involved.
Good luck with whatever happens! Don't think you are at a massive disadvantage for having a long-distance relationship because you're not.
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A
female
reader, kellyO +, writes (9 August 2006):
 I believe it can work. I have seen cases of this happen. But i must emphasize though that it depends on both parties being totally dedicated to each other and the love they share.
I have friends who have had such relationship. For some of them it didnt start up from being long distance but becos of work or schooling some people end up seperating even as far as other countries. Of course it is difficult, and of course not all turn up right at the end of it all.
If u really like this girl and want to give it a try, why not.?? Try to maintain regular contact and visit as often as u can taking into consideration your finances. You can voice chat or chat on a messenger sometimes if u cant afford to call frequently. They are even calling cards available now.
Also, u have to give your partner lots of reassurance and encourage her to do the same. This maintains a balance and a sense longing which holds the relationshp together.As they say absence makes the heart grow fonder.
Take care now and i really do wish u all the best and hope it works out.
Goodluck.Kelly
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