A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Is it me being insecure or is he falling out of love?My boyfriend of a year and a half goes through phases where he telling me he loves me everyday and then phases where he doesn't. At the moment he doesn't really say it a lot. He says it if I say it first. But then he told me once that nothing has changed since the last time he said it. He's not the type to settle for anything he focuses on being happy. He only recently talked about when we should buy a house and have kids. I think he's a bit stressed out as we are moving apartments and he's trying to start a business so money is stressing him out. He used to always get into bed and when I say good night lying next to him he used to always turn around and give me a big kiss and he doesn't do this so much anymore. Can it be stress or is he getting bored with me?? Thanks everyone :)
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (27 February 2014):
 It sounds to me like you two are settling into day to day living and he is stressing over money and work.
I don't think he's getting bored. MOST men (and some women) can only handle ONE thing at at time... they don't multi task well (some do but most I have met do not)
this means when a man is focused on WORK or MONEY, he's not in the mood for love... some men equate any affection with sex and that may be what's going on here.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2014): It's all of the above. Stress, money-worries, moving, and the lovey-dovey stuff will plateau, or taper-off when he's
over-whelmed.
There are occasions he may feel really affectionate and sometimes he doesn't. What human-being is always walking around consistently in the same mood all the time?
Stop over-gauging his feelings. That is not only needy, but it grows annoying.
His moods depend on his day, week, and what's on his mind.
He can't always blurt "I love you's" when he's really tired and has tons of crap on his mind. He will get bored with being pressured to play Romeo, when he isn't really in that particular mood. You can't keep any person upbeat and happy 100% of the time.
You yourself can't possibly be totally affectionate and sweet 24/7. Always have a smile on your face and open arms like a Stepford Wife. (Google it.) Its a movie from 1972.
Continue to be yourself. When you greet each other at the end of the day, give him a smile and a hug; and don't worry who does it first. He loves you. He just can't say it until he feel likes saying it. Sometimes a lot, sometimes not a lot.
I had a relationship for 28 years with a lawyer. During cases he was cold, shutoff, and almost mechanical. He was in his work-phase. Analyzing law in his head all day. So I just kept the mood around us light, and gave him breathing room. I'm a professional too. I have my own moods.
I learned how to relax him and ease him back into the realm of humanity; just by remaining myself, and showing patience. He'd always thank me for my understanding. I got all the affection and attention I needed, when work and worries were all under control. It's a skill you learn as you go.
You have to set your timing and not take blame for something that really isn't your fault or about you.
You don't have to walk or eggshells. Just take it day by day.
It's daily pressures. Don't be pushy or needy. Don't feel you have to clown around or turn cartwheels for attention.
Be your usual sweet and affectionate self. Take his hand, give him a smile for no reason. You'd be surprised what effect that has. He'll know you've read his mind, and know he's having a lousy day.
Ask him if everything is alright, if he needs anything.
If he doesn't want to talk about it; just act as if nothing is wrong, and be yourself all the same. You don't have to reflect his moods. Always be you. There will be times when you could smash his face. Then he'll wonder if you still care about him.
Relax, don't take it personally. You have to get used to these times. There are cloudy days. The sun isn't out everyday.
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