A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my husband for over 5 years now. It was an arranged marriage. I think I made a mistake in marrying him. He’s handsome, successful, nice, funny, and an all around good person. When we first met I never felt a connection or spark but kept talking with him because he was nice. I think I liked him a lot or maybe even loved him at one point but I don’t think I ever actually fell in love. We are such good friends and the thought of hurting him makes me upset. The thing is, I knew I shouldn’t have married him but I thought I could learn to love him. It seems like my attraction now to him is just like a friend. Sex is almost not bearable. I feel absolutely nothing for him and I’m scared I actually never did. I am looking for advice form people who have felt like me before. Did your attraction ever come back? Marriage is a commitment and I don’t want to divorce but I don’t see how my feelings will change. Can I learn to love him? I know I made a bad decision but I’m trying my best to make it work. I am looking for advice or experiences that can help.
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divorce, fell in love, spark Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2019): You can't base your connection to your husband and your marriage on how it worked out for someone else. You're talking about your affections and attraction towards another person. It's based on what's inside of you. Your feelings and emotions towards that person; and what you are capable of reciprocating that he gives to you.
You repeated over and over how you feel nothing. You can't pretend to love anyone for any length of time before they realize that you really don't. Too many involuntary clues escape, and he can sense it. You can't depend on developing feelings over time. You'll grow to feel resentment and a sense of imprisonment.
You do care for him, but you do not love him. I think he deserves to find someone who does love him. Arranged marriages sometimes workout, and other times they don't.
Seek an amicable divorce, and leave without taking anything you don't deserve. If you absolutely can't bring yourself to leave this man, perhaps you fear losing the financial security he offers you. You obviously fear upsetting whomever arranged the marriage; but sooner or later, you're going to crack.
I suspect over the span of time, the entire marriage will become as you feel towards sex..."unbearable." Maybe he might make the decision to divorce you. Somehow, I predict there will be an irony in that. You'll dislike the feeling of being on the receiving-end of his rejection.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2019): Like another poster said, thank goodness you're in the United States. Divorce him and go about your own life. Marriage is one of the most special things in life and staying married to someone you don't love is a waste of your life.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2019): The good thing is that you are in the usa.You can divorce him.Never do an arranged marriage again.Marry only when you are in love.If you fear for your safety because of your husband his family or even your own family get to a shelter for women and be safe.That is what is keeping you with him is it not?Your family and your husband and his family have no power over you here in the usa.In this country you are free.In this country we are all equal.Go to a woman's shelter learn that you are free and have rights here and are equal to the men.Be safe.
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A
female
reader, singinbluebird +, writes (4 April 2019):
 I think you've posted this before. Honey, break it off. No feelings can develop over time if by now you've felt nothing. Let him go to find a woman who do want him. Life is too short. Find the man of your dreams. Let him find his. Break it off. This post is absolutely heartbreaking because you're hurting, and hurting him by continuing stay with him.
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A
female
reader, singinbluebird +, writes (4 April 2019):
I think you've posted this before. Honey, break it off. No feelings can develop over time if by now you've felt nothing. Let him go to find a woman who do want him. Life is too short. Find the man of your dreams. Let him find his. Break it off. This post is absolutely heartbreaking because you're hurting, and hurting him by continuing stay with him.
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