A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Can someone tell me what's happening with me?I am in my mid 40 s, been married for 25 years, one grown up child that is independent and lives on her own. I have a hard time staying in this marriage the way my husband wants it to be. I have a hard time staying faithful, though still am, and be a good wife. I always have been. I don't want to be without my husband as I know him my whole life and fond of him, and he is my life partner and a father of my child. But I don't live the way I want to live, I feel I am stuck in a rut, my mind is fuzzy, and everyday duties as a wife are making me upset and not fulfilled. I started enjoying my travellings and never want to come home. Never. I want to keep travelling, not take care of him. I want him to take care of himself, not make me think what's next for dinner, not wash, clean the house and do grocery shopping. I did it for so many years, and so much, I am done with it.When I travel, I become my own person, and I like myself more. When I am alone, I can think straight , and enjoy every minute of my existence. I hardly drink alcohol on my travels. I don't need it to relax because I am relaxed. When I am at home, I can have more wine that is healthy and more often. I have a hard time sleeping, and wake in a middle of the night with worry some thoughts. That doesn't happen when I am away. I started my small business about a year ago. I have my own money now and can completely support myself. We share 50/50 house expenses. That was my idea, he still laughs about it.I want to stay with husband but want to have my separate life too, and i'd Not mind him doing the same. Is it totally crazy and impossible, or there there are others who tried it an it worked?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2016): Is there anything you want of him or are you done with him? Make sure that you know what you want. Make a list. You want to work. You want to travel. You don't want to be alone to wash, cook or buy groceries. Put everything that come sto mind on that list. Now, be honest, if he accepted sharinh house chores with you (which should have always been teh case) and support your work and travel with you, and anything else that you can think of would you stay with him?If teh answer is no, than you have to work on how to leave him.If the answer is yes, then talk to him. Offer him teh chance to be a part of your life.I'm in my thirties and fed up with cooking, washing, cleaning and working 2 to 3 jobs (no weekends, just work). But I know how much I am responsible for this. Instead of putting my money where my mouth is when I say that I won't cook anymore, I just do it. Like a machine... no wonder my husband doesn't believe me that I am fed up, because I keep on doing it.So, make a list, make a plan and stick yo it.Good luck!
A
male
reader, Serpico +, writes (19 January 2016):
Those who attempt to eat their cake and have it too overwhelmingly end up with neither ...
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (18 January 2016):
 I think you need to sit down with your husband and tell him how you feel. Only he can tell you if this sort off lifestyle will work for him as well. Have you lost the spark in your relationship? Often that can get lost when we fall in to a rut and can be difficult to get it back. It sounds to me like he takes you for granted now and you don't want this lifestyle anymore. Perfectly normal, we only get one life, we should make the most off it. However you need to give him a chance and tell him how you have been feeling.
Before you go off travelling and looking for someone else to have fun with maybe you should give your husband a second chance. After telling him how you feel you should maybe suggest you both take a vacation together and travel for a while. Maybe when all the stresses from 'life' fade away you will remember why you love this man and the spark will relight. Its worth a shot.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2016): You don't sound happy at all. It sound's like you don't actually want to be with your husband but because you don't know anything else you are too afraid to just leave him.Have you thought about relationship counselling? We don't live in the 1950s anymore and you being solely responsible for groceries, cooking, housework us enough to get anyone down. Perhaps if he knew how seriously this is affecting you and your happiness in the marriage he would start to be a better husband. Things are stuck in a rut -big time.Travelling separately is fine, it would probably do you good but if you go as things are then you are just running away from the problems instead of facing them and sorting them out. Hence why you don't want to come home when you are away.You need to work out whether you actually want to be married to your husband because you love him and love being with him; or are you with him out of habit and this in all you know, and are worried about what others would think etc...Have you grown apart over these years? People change, the only constant in life is the fact that everything changes. You have your interests, does he not share any of these with you? Would he want to travel too? If you can both find common interests you could reconnect, do more as a couple instead of living in a routine because then if you're certain you want to stay together you wil actually be doing things a couple should be doing. If you want to spend lots of time apart then I can't see the point of staying together, therefore I would personally try and find things you can enjoy together to just attempt to bring some interest back into your relationship.
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