A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I've learned some really valuable lessons today. You see, I fell in very strong like with this guy who is asexual(but an aromantic asexual, like he's interested in relationships just not sex)And I told him that I liked him today and I really thought that it was going to go bad XD but it didn't, I guess because I was being honest, like I told him that I wanted to tell him just to get it off my chest because I don't like holding in feelings for too long.It honestly turns out that I was too early, and too late. He's kind of a know-it-all/ sarcastic kind of guy(which I like because I'm sarcastic too so we have fun)So, like, when I told him I liked him he was like "Oh don't worry I know,"I was like .....how? and he said he reads people like books(He really really loves to read so that must be why I guess,) I call bullshit on that one though :P but anyway. He apologized to me and said that he's already in a relationship, which I was cool with, but I asked him still like if he didn't have a gf, would I have a chance and he said "I don't know you well but I don't see why not"I was very happy because I thought he'd say no But what I learned was, it's much better to tell a person how you feel if you like them than to hold it in all the time because as you grow older the whole keeping it a secret kind of thing is pretty child-like and clicheLike how do you expect to get anywhere, you know?And when I'm saying that I like a person, I've learned never to like go shakespeare on them and mourn my love XD I think it best to just be like "Hey, I like you, you think we can get to know each other better?"Doesn't that sound better? Lol XDNow, my question is how to love someone, platonically like....I think my goal as a teen, I'd like to practice the true meaning of love because I am beginning to decipher the difference between love and physical attraction.I wanna love someone like purely, not like marriage love or sex love even though I'm a sexual creature(heterosexual) I want to learn how to love someone for their character, for their mind and their soul. I don't wish to be blinded by physical attraction anymore.Like, do you know what I mean? Not like, I wanna be with you kind of love(even though I will experience that feeling) but like a I love being around you, come to me whenever you need something, you'll always be in my heart kind of love. Like a bond rather than a relationship that involves or requires sex/ physical intimacyIt's really hard to explain, but that's the kind of love I wish to practice because it seems so much....more beautiful and pure. I want to be genuine.Any pointers on platonic love? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2012): "Can I get any pointers on how to feel platonic love?"
Consider your friend's feelings first before your own.
"I told him that I wanted to tell him just to get it off my chest because I don't like holding in feelings for too long."
Maybe he didn't want to hear you "get it off your chest" because he prefers to hold feelings in rather than risk of putting you in the uncomfortable position of telling you his feelings for you when they are likely incompatible with yours for him, and sometimes feelings are best left unexpressed. You can always get it off your chest tomorrow, can't put it back on once it's off.
A
male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (15 September 2012):
Based on my experiences and observation:
Ultimately, when it comes to confessing, the best thing to do is to outright be honest with yourself and the person you are telling it to. It is hard to fumble your words when are honest. Also the quicker you confess, the better. I've seen people wait months to confess and it doesn't make sense to wait so long. With so much time holding in feelings, you are bound to change as a person and this is not something you want. Basically, your idea on your approach to confessing, is 100% in approval by me.
Loving someone in a platonic way isn't necessarily true love. True love comes when both hearts understand each other, combining all the other aspects of love like attraction, sex, communication etc. Platonic love can be easily achieved by a girl usually when she has friend zoned a guy and claim he is her best friend so I'm not sure if this is what you want.
I like your words...that you want to be genuine. You will be genuine as long as you are honest with the person whom you love and most importantly, yourself. If you want that comfort of really loving someone, it'll only come through experience and the more time you share with that person in the relationship.
You should never change your ideas on love because quite frankly you seem very smart and open minded for your age similarly curious, and I like that, I dont think you should ever change.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (15 September 2012):
 There's a *huge* difference in being celibate and being asexual. If you're a sexual person and he truly isn't, you're not going to be happy no matter how much you desperately want to be with him.
Sexual love is just as much beautiful and pure as platonic love. Choosing celibacy in order to save yourself for marriage still makes someone a sexual person, but they save themselves. That sexual expression still exists, and when the time comes (like marriage or being "in love" or whatever the criteria is), the celibate person enters into that sexuality that was always there.
If you are sexual and he is not, you are incompatible. Not only that, but even if you choose to become celibate for him, your sexuality still exists and will be profoundly frustrated. You will literally have to deny who you are at your core to try and become as unsexual as he is. Eventually, resentment will set in, knowing that he's not merely celibate, but you will *never* be able to be sexual with him, even in a chaste way without intercourse.
That being said, I think this guy is full of crap. He has a girlfriend, and this whole "I'm asexual" thing sounds like a big fat line of BS to me. What 16-17 year old has spent the necessary years defining his sexuality, speaking with other asexual people, spoken to therapists, and been diagnosed? No, not even castrati become automatically asexual.
Plus, the last guy I knew in real life who had decided as a teenager that he must be asexual and was "too interested in schoolwork to date" and wanted to keep himself pure for religious reasons is now happily living with another man and has been for the past 10 years. He was gay, knew he was gay, but admitting that fact was detrimental to his families views on homosexuality.
Bottom line, he has a girlfriend, and you're incompatible. You need to leave him alone and look for a single man who is as sexual as you are. Remember, celibate and asexual are two different things.
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