A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:My husband was spending to much time with an old friends of ours who had split from her husband. they ending up falling in love and in bed together. He is still with me and says he loves me but loves her more and wants her in his life at some degree even just as friends. How can I let this happen, I worry he is only with me now to make it look right so that he can leave but say well we tried. I don't want to loose him but find it so hard.Can I ever trust him again or should I just give up now Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2009): Hey girl my heart goes out to you. Firstly i hope you kicked your friend in the teeth. Rat her out to all women so that they know she is a man stealer. Play dirty, who cares. Regarding your hubby, i know you love him but maybe you are just afraid of being alone. If he wants to go, let him. I know this will be hard. Instead of jut playing lets pretend and he still seeing her on the sly, tell him to leave. It is either the *hore or the wife. He has to make that choice. But work fast and do y our homework financially. He will try to hoodwink you and take whatever he can. He will actually pretend to reconcile yet he will be manipulating you and then when you least expect it he will make his move to her. Start accumulating whatever you can, hide whatever you can. I am not telling you to be tooooooooo devious but rather be comfortable and alone than just cold and alone. Work fast, be decisive, do not beg him., the element of surprise- kick his sorry ass out of YOUR home. And tell your whorish friend she can have him. They have a still drink and throw a party. Hard but you have to get something out. Be subtle and be decisive. The element of surprise is what he is not expecting. do not beg the pig to stay. you have pride.Lesson to all to be learnt- reality check. I read not too long ago someone post that she is recently divorced and her married women friends are alienating. This is precisely the reason. Recently divorced friends are not borrowing their good friends husbands as comfort blankets. (generalised statement but a true one to a certain extent)
A
female
reader, sarcy24 +, writes (6 November 2009):
 My situation was identical to Lavendar Girl, my husband had an affair, came back and then went off with a different woman. As she says he should cut all ties with this other woman and the fact that he won't means he still feels something. Time to let him go most definitely. Your self respect deserves much more than this. Pack his stuff and put it outside. Do not under any circumstances beg him to stay or demean yourself in any way however much you think you love him. This will get better.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2009): Okay, this is wrong on so many levels. Tell him that you love him, and want him in your life, even if it's just as friends... turn the tables. When you're in a committed relationship you should be giving your all. Can you imagine what he would do if the situation was the other way around? I can't actually believe he is willing to say this to you. In my opinion a lepoard never changes their spots. If he was sleeping with her behind your back, he will carry on doing it now you know he 'loves her'. I can understand that this must be very painful for you, but I would make him choose, and if he chooses her, then don't grovel. Get gone and make a new life for yourself. One without this loser who clearly doesn't deserve you xxxxxx
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A
female
reader, lavender girl +, writes (6 November 2009):
My heart really does go out to you as I was in a similar situation a few years ago and it is a horrible place to be. My ex came back after an affair with a woman at work. He came back for about a year then went off with another woman he had an affair with (a different woman....)If he wanted to make it work with you then he would break all ties with the other woman. The fact that he still loves her and wants her in his life probably means that he isnt going to stay with you. You probably have lost him already - sorry, as I am sure you dont want to hear that and I dont say it to hurt you. I wish you luck.
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A
male
reader, called Steve +, writes (6 November 2009):
 It sounds so much like you're trying to make a go of this but I'm afraid you already intimated the answer... he is using you honey, whilst ever you put up with the situation he will continue to abuse your emotions and feelings.As difficult as it may seem you need to stamp your authority down and ask him to choose between you. Realistically, you will probably lose him but surely you do not want a man whom you cannot trust or that treats you in this poor way.Everyone deserves to be loved but his statements that he loves you, but loves her more must hurt you so much and is so insulting, you deserve a man who will commit to one woman - you!I make no excuses, this will be difficult for you but it will get better over time and then you will move on and find someone you deserve that is prepared to love you solely.Best of luck - Steve
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2009): He's admitting to loving this other woman more that he loves you? You don't deserve relationship scraps! You deserve someone who loves you with everything and has enough sense to keep it in his pants. You're second best to no one. I know he's your husband and you have a history, but he's treating you like garbage. Muster up your strength and pride and pack a suitcase for him today!
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