A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I am 43 yrs old and my boyfriend 42. I have been going with him for over 2 yrs. We get along well and have share the same interests. We both have been married and divorced under good terms with the ex'es and both own our own homes. We have no children just pets living in each of our homes. I spend about 90% of my time over his house as he has a house with a yard and I a condo. He does have a maid come and clean two times a month and I help him maintain it as well as keeping up with my own chores at my home. My question is he says he wants me to sell my condo and move in with him as we could both be saving money. He said he wants to see how it would work out by living together first but I don't think he really has intensions of marrying me. I spend every weekend overnite with him so how can he say he needs to see if it will work? Couldn't he tell from that? Can anyone tell me why he wants me to move in with him? Do you think he is looking for a care taker? Why doesn't anyone get in it for life anymore? What ever happened to marriage? Am I too old fashiond? I believe he loves me so why doesn't he want to get married? We aren't getting any younger. Any insight would be appreciated.
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female
reader, virus89  +, writes (1 August 2008):
my answer is don't sell it because he needs the money and maybe u don't have anything just this condo.
so plz think very well before u passing any steps ok
take care
A
male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (30 May 2008):
 Hi,
from a guys perspective I can understand where he is coming from - not that I'm justifying it , but I certainly can understand.
For one, he is probably extremely worried that he will end up a divorcee again. Nobody wants that twice divorced tag.
Secondly, he may very well believe that as you are two mature consenting adults , why need to get married. By that I mean why the need to sign a piece of paper if you are not a lovestruck young couple with parents and family all waiting for the big event. He may see it like this, if you have both been down that path before why revisit it?
Now I may be wrong ( probably am! doh) but I think these things are worth thinking about. But in any event you need to address these issues with him, he certainly won't bring them up himself - so if you love him as much as you say then speak up !
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, Fiona xxx  +, writes (29 May 2008):
 I personally don't like all this lets move in and see how it goes.
If there are doubts, why be in the situation.
Call me old fashioned, but it usually predicts a throwaway relationship. We live in a throwaway society with clothes etc, but why have a throwaway life.
Yes there are high divorce statistics, but you are twice as likly to split up if you are living together than if you are married. You don't have the legal protection, and you are not each-others next of kin.
You both have a degree of 'baggage' so perhaps he is trying not to scare either of you or something like that. In his mind he is being cutious.
It can lack commitment, and believe it or not, I don't know a single couple who moved in and lasted!
There is a distinction between moving in and later in the year getting married; they last. But I mean moving in, to see how you go on.
Please be very careful, and dont' rush into things.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (29 May 2008):
 Good questions. It's a big deal for him to ask you to sell your condo to move in with him without a firm understanding of what you both see as your long-term future. It sounds to me like you're already essentially living together, at least on the weekends, so what's the difference, I think I hear you asking.
Are you in a housing market where you could rent the condo for a year, before selling it? Your country flag identifies you as in the US, and in most real estate markets here, things are not looking good for the sellers.
I think you need to have a heart-to-heart with him about what he sees as your future together. It sounds like he's very committed to you if he wants you to move in. You know him as well as you're going to by this point, and you should be able to have a calm conversation about mutual goals. You've both been married before and are on good terms with the exes, so you know what marriage entails, good points and bad...
Does he need a caretaker? Is he ill, or does he just want to let the cleaning service go to save some cash?
If you do move in with him, make sure that your finances are sorted out so that each of you are contributing a fair share to the running of the new household, and that you're not losing out on your financial security. There might be some tax implications too for the sale of the condo.
Sorry, I wasn't much help, I know, I'm kind of with you, I'm old-fashioned too. Why should you give up your condo without some kind of firm commitment from him?
I wish you the best on your decision.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2008): He is scared to get married again. On the other hand, if he were planning to let you go, he would not be telling you to sell the condo. Unless you object for religious reasons, you can still move in with him and keep your condo. That way you will always have a place to come back to.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2008): Hi i saw your question and thought about me and my ex partner we where so great together and we were the same as you always staying over at weekends and stuff but as soon as we moved in together thats when you notice things a lot more. I'm sorry but i think your boyfriend is right you need to be together officially to see whether it would work out or not before marriage
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