A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Ok, this is going to sound a bit silly to some people I am sure...but I need some advice...I have recently come out of an abusive 4 year relationship - I had 2 children with my ex. He moved out to be single and wanted me to wait for him to decide whether he wanted me but I couldn't take it when he started smoking cannabis - I am very anti drugs. It has been a painful split - I feel like it was my fault that I couldn't make him care about us and that I've let my children down by not keeping the family together.Anyway, completely unexpectedly I met someone else recently...he is the complete opposite of my ex - in fact he seems too good to be true...which is the problem! I'm just waiting for it all to go wrong! I'm not being too keen - I always wait for him to text 1st, but our time together seems to go so well I'm just waiting for him to never text me again :( Please help me! I'm driving myself crazy with my thoughts :(All I want is to be happy - I have a good career and my children are always my number 1 priority but surely I deserve someone to share my life with? I don't want to scare him off and I'm really starting to like him...which scares me! He knows about my children - I told him on the 1st date and he said it didnt change a thing. But I feel so guilty because he's younger than me by 4 years (I'm 26)and should I be even thinking of starting anything with someone who should be dating teenagers?! He's very mature and genuinely lovely and has been great. Am I obsessing?Please don't tell me to be alone, I don't want to be alone, I just want to be me and be happy without stupid negative thoughts :(ANY advice or perspective would be so great,thank you so much.xx
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2009): All I would say is that texting doesn't reveal any emotional intimacy. If you are really sensing anything from him it has to be more than from texting. If he spoke to you on the phone it would reveal a whole lot more of how he feels about you. I think THIS aspect reveals that you are going on very little evidence.All good and worthwhile endeavors take time. Are you rushing into a relationship that may not be good for you?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2009): I think you are obsessing and putting too much importance on this relationship with this one guy. First off if you recently came out of a 4 year realtionship and it was abusive on top of it, you really should take your time before commiting to anyone or getting into another relationship. I am not telling you to be alone, I am telling you to date more than one person so that you do not put too much pressure on any one guy.
You don't know him very well yet, and if he seems too perfect to be true then he probably is, you are infatuated is all and you are projecting onto him your own wishes and desires about what you would like him to be to you.
Just take your focus OFF OF HIM and put it on you and your kids. Don't sit around worrying about him and what he is doing, keep focused on achieving some goals for being an independent woman rasing two kids, do what you enjoy doing and don't drop your plans at the last minute to go out with this guy. That way any negative thoughts will subside as you get to know him better and are able to assess who he really is and what you really want out of a relationship.
You do not need to have a man to be happy or to have self esteem. In fact until you feel really great about yourself and your own life, you will struggle in choosing the right kind of man for you or for letting love in.
Just give yourself and him a break and don't worry about how this will all turn out. Put your focus onto you...and figure out if he is right or good enough for you and if he fits into your life. His age has little to do with it.
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