A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Just wondering if anyone has any advice on dealing with trust issues after being cheated on? Can couples therapy/councilling help, or are the trust issues always there? Also, has anyone had successful relationships after being cheated on (with the significant other who cheated on them)? Thoughts would be appreciated! :) Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2010): You must trust first then expect other side trust, tell always truth, no matter if it hurts also tell it, then definitely find trust from opposite side by experience.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2010): For me it would depend on the nature and severity of the cheating. Having a casual one night stand is different from having a years-long secret love affair.
It would also depend on how I found out. If he came clean because he was guilty, or if he got caught.
Finally regardless of any other circumstances if he got someone else pregnant there is no way at all I could ever forgive and move past that because the kid will forever be a reminder, a slap in your face. Yet it is not the kid's fault so therefore the kid shouldn't have to be subjected to my anger and resentment and the only way is for me to never come into contact with this kid meaning I would have to end my relationship cos the kid deserves to be part of his/her father's life but I would want no part in that.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2010): "Can couples therapy/councilling help, or are the trust issues always there?"
Yes, counseling helps, if the counselor is good and both parties engage in counseling in good faith and openly on both sides. Trust issues can be resolved. However, the trust issues are among the most difficult issues to resolve, and many people don't engage in counseling openly and honestly and in good faith.
"Also, has anyone had successful relationships after being cheated on (with the significant other who cheated on them)?"
Yes. However, it isn't easy, the person who was cheated on has a lot of stuff to deal with psychologically, they have to really stay well grounded in their own self.
Keep in mind, no matter what happened to you, that the person who cheats does so because of their issues.
Relationships, even marriages, can be ended and cheating can be avoided without restricting sexual activities (at least in western cultures).
When cheating takes place, the person is violating a relationship and taking advantage of the other person in the relationship, while keeping the other person from "enjoying" the same freedoms.
Yet, the person cheated on has to deal with the issue of "why 'cheat' on me", why do that instead of being up front and forward and being fair (separation, divorce, breakup and then allow both parties to be free to do what they want)?
Well, maybe that is because the person being cheated on has something that the cheater either wants, or thinks they might want, or doesn't want to lose, or isn't sure that the other person will be able to give them "the whole package" that is superior to "the current package".
Sometimes cheaters never can explain why they cheated, not even to themselves. That can be scary for both parties.
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A
male
reader, BrownWolf +, writes (8 December 2010):
The only way to get over this, is to accept it happen and…Now what??? Feel bad for yourself because a guy shows you how much of a jackass his???
Fact is…it can happen again. Question is…What did you learn from?? Did you see warning signs? Felt things but did not pay attention to them? And so on.
Now you will be stronger, smarter, and tougher. If the next guy starts showing any signs like your last, you will be ready.
The issue is not trust in other men, it’s trusting yourself to make the right call next time. You do not have to trust men, they have to earn your trust, and you will then willingly give them yours.
Trust that you will find the right guy, and you will be thankful that this jackass cheated on you. Because if you were still stuck with him, you would not be available for Mr. Right.
I believe bad things happen for good reasons. You may not see it because you are in pain, but the good is there waiting. This guy is a tree that you keep staring at, and can’t seem to get pass it. But if you look around, you will see all the others guys, like forest…waiting.
So…get your axe :)
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A
male
reader, Illithid  +, writes (8 December 2010):
 This isn't what you want to hear, but I've been cheated on by two women. The first is (last I heard) still cheating on her newer boyfriends. She never changed, never learned. The second is now engaged to the guy she cheated on me with, and they are now engaged to one another (last I heard), so it seems he trusts her despite knowing what she was doing when they got together. Sometimes you just take that risk for someone... sometimes you love someone enough that they're worth risking your heart for.
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A
male
reader, FreshPrince  +, writes (8 December 2010):
I have been with mhy girlfriend for four years now. At tyhe beginning she had cheated on me twice. After the second incident, it was obvious that this girl was not the girl for me. We split and done our own thing. A mutual friendship was maintained. She wanted to get back together but i had no interest. After 6 months, I started to change my mind. She was young and i was willing to give her the benefit of doubt. Four years later, im as happy as ever and we get on great. She has proved her loyalty ten times over. There is nothing worse than the feeling that someone you love has been with another, but it is very possible that it means nothing. Its completely wrong, but i know many guys who do it and say " ah its nothing, whats good for me is good for her". complete insanity right? But it does go to show that, the chances are, it meant nothing. I suppose i i were in your position, I'd give yourself space for a while, refuse to meet up to himor do favours etc... You'll miss him now and again momentarily but it will pass, just keep yourself busy. This will allow him to realise what he's lost. If hes the guy you originally fell for, the right guy for you, he wont give up. From experience though, guys that have cheated are likely to cheat again. We all know, we want what we cant have. I wish you the best of luck.
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