A
female
age
30-35,
*jr_894
writes:Well, my boyfriend broke up with me today and I'm an absolute mess. He claims to have too many problems going on to be able to do his part as my boyfriend and doesn't want me to wait around while he figures his life out, and that he still wanted to be friends but I know that won't happen. I hate how instead of letting me try and help him, he just pushed me away. I was pregnant by him and had an abortion not even a month ago, and I feel like he was just waiting for that to be done and over with to break up with me. I don't understand how somebody can tell you that they love and miss you soo much everyday then turn around and end things. Now, there's this other guy that I've been with unofficially for the past three years who has a girlfriend. He could be considered the guy that I'll always have in my heart, but can never have to myself. I've never been able to let him go. Since me and the boyfriend got together, I've been trying with the most luck I've ever had to let the old flame go and I was giving my boyfriend the credit, because the more I was with him, the more I started to hate the other guy. I was in the process of ending things for good with that guy, and when my bf broke up with me today, I ended up going back to his place because for some stupid reason, I thought the sex would make me feel better. Boy, was I wrong or what? Everything was fine between us for the first time in a while, UNTIL we started having sex. I felt absolutely numb to it and couldn't feel anything at all, and I just ended up crying my eyes out. He noticed and kept asking what was wrong and if he should stop, but I said nothing and not to. Eventually it got to the point where I had to get up and leave. I don't understand what's wrong with me. It was the first time I've had sex since my abortion, so I'm not sure if it was because maybe I just wasn't mentally ready for it like I thought I was..or if I realized that I'm not in love with this guy anymore and it finally hit me now that we were together again..or if I just really missed my boyfriend..
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2010): well in my opinion it seems to me that. You were really not mentally ready to deal with this guy that you have been seeing, after everything that you have just been thru. I feel that you were trying to get over the ex a little to fast, and the old feelings begin to come back while in that current situation. and honestly, being with a guy that already has a girl, makes you feel needy and very open to anything with this guy, which he will eventually make you a doormat.i only say what i feel is right, and connecting to some of my experiences as well. trust me, i've been thru this sort of situation dealing with a man who has a girl, but i was with another man. we both eventually broke it off with our significant other, but things did not get better, they have only gotten worse and more confused. and believe me, you dont want to be confused in this situation. it will mentally screw you up.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2010): "There's no happy ending when more than one person has the leading role. One will be fired, and the other will quit." This is what happened to you in this case. Don't ask me who's quote this is, because I can't remember, but the logic is very real, and pertains to love, as well.
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A
female
reader, Oregongrl1 +, writes (14 August 2010):
First of all he needs to help him'self!and secondly he never loved you in the first place? and thats what they all say they need time! to figure things out. he is letting you down slowly so he can ease his guilt!!! and he aint a man.
hell i could handle it better instead of him leading me around by my nose to ease his guilty *ss! and giving you false hope. i wouldn't let him make it feel like it's me i would tell him your the jerk you want out for what ever self'fish reason you have so im letting you off the hook hit the road.
go figure your life out because honey im moving on and i will find me a good man but right now im going to take time and enjoy me if it happens it happens and i aint going looking for it he will find me. you need to put things into perspective in order to deal w/ it. that is what allows you to move on and know rejection is a hard thing to deal w/ because they leave us w/ thinking that there is something wrong with in ourselve's no'one is perfect that is how we learn from our mistakes! and make better choices next time! i know you are hurting now but giving yourself time does heal a broken heart! and you will go through all the emotions and it thats ok at least next time you will see the red flags and warning signs! don't let some wanna be man make you feel bad about who you are remember that.
Best Wishes!
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A
female
reader, Moo's Mum  +, writes (14 August 2010):
 There is probably a lot of truth to the fact you weren't mentally ready for it but also it didn't help that you threw yourself from the frying pan into the fire. Just chalk this one up to one of life's awful mistakes and put it behind you. Tell your new ex that you will be waiting for him when he gets his shite together and then go nad have some therapy about your abortion there will be buried feelings there that you havn't dealt with.
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