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female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: Me and my boyfriend of 3 years broke up 2 weeks ago. we had a strange relationship because he worked abroard for long periods and was not looking like he was ready to show me any commitment. towards the end of the relationship he told me he intended to go travelling for 4 months around the world. i was devastated as he chose to do this while i was going through a particularly difficult time in my life and really , really needed him. I had no choice in the matter so I let him go but at the last minute felt a fool and broke up with him. After lots of talking, we decided to have a break instead and see how things were when he returned. 4 months later he arrived to tell me had slept with another woman more than once and kissed someone in a club while he was away. i was devastated because i was waiting for him to come back before i gave up on the relationship and i threw him out. 10 days later he called me telling me he is confused and feels sad about what has happened. I am so confused at the moment because i am still really in love with him, but feel a fool to keep giving him chances. What should i do?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2006): Well you broke up with him before he went away, so in his eyes you told him he was a free agent. Even though you said you were on a break you didn't tell him that he wasn't to sleep with anyone else. You just assumed that he wouldn't. So naturally thinking the relationship was more or less over he slept with other girls. So now he has returned to see you and you've thrown him out! No wonder he is confused.He wasn't ready for commitment before he went away, but now that he has had his freedom maybe has decided that the grass isn't greener on the other side.He returned to you,was honest and told you he slept with other girls.Not
realising it was going to make you feel as jealous as you do.So it's now time for you to lay your cards on the table, you love him and it's up to you to let him know that if you take him back it has got to be with 100% commitment from him. I wouldn't give up on him yet!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2006): He chose not to be around when you were going through a difficult time. He could have perhaps delayed his travel plans - or, if he had a job waiting for him, perhaps been gone for say two months rather than four.
Then when he returned he told you he had slept with other women while he was abroad.
Now he says he's "sad" and "confused." But has he said anything at all about being willing to commit to you now?
If he has, you should give it some really serious thought before allowing your relationship to resume - and please, whatever you do, DON'T base it on the idea that you are still really in love with him!
Instead, clear your head and think what is in your own best interests for the long-term! If you feel like a fool for continuing to give him chances, then that's worth paying attention to!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2006): To a man, saying "lets have a break" is basically saying, lets forget about each other for a bit and sleep around and you dont have to feel guilty. The fact that he does now feel sad, confused and probably guilty mean he probably still wants to make a go of things, if you love him give it another shot. usually after a "break" you can work out in your mind one way or another. He's obviously worked it out. Unless he just wants a shag. think about that eh?
Fitz
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