A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:HiCan you help me. I am in week two of being totally and utterly heartbroken... pretty mich the same as all of the above... he was unhappily married, chased me for 2 years and I said no, he left her (even though he had been cheating on her for over adecade whilst he was on tour!!) Promised me marriage, happy ever after, I was the one... couldn't believe he was with me... bla bla bla... I took on his three kids whenever they were over... then, one day, I waved them goodbye as he dropped the kids off... he came back an hour later in tears, saying he felt guilty about the kids and was missing them, I said did he want them to move in... to see them more? ever thing you could think of to solve it.. I then said, do you want to move closer? and he shot me a look.. I said.. oh my god, do YOU just want to move closer? (we lived together) he said I don't know/.... well that said it all.He has since, turned into the coldest man I have ever met, like I don't know him at all. He was my best friend, now, I don't even hear from him. I am so trying to be strong as I have just got a new job. Now, not only will his ex be revelling that it ended, but I was in this for life and I said that.. and he dangled that infront of me... that;s why it took me so long to take the plunge.Now I am homeless, and heartbroken. He knew all about my previous heart break and told me he would never do that to me. I honestly believed him. I always said to myself that he wouldn't have introduced me to the three children unless he was serious.Anyway.... to be honest... I was getting on with things, but no.. I feel as though I am sinking into a pit of despair. I am a successful actress and everyone says, 'You'll be fiiine!" but right now, I feel like I can't go on anymore, It just hurts too too much.Please help. I am falling :(
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male
reader, EarlGull +, writes (13 March 2013):
I'm so glad you're feeling a little better. Not pathetic to cry at all. It shows you're loving, sensitive, and not cold (like some people!!)Cry all the sadness away. It may come on in waves, but just go with it. I know it's painful but it's also a necessary part of your healing.Bring on the summer. As each day passes, as with the weather, your mood will become lighter. It may take weeks/months, but as this site shows, you're not alone in the way you feel, it will go away, even though it feels like it won't.Keep looking for somewhere (and dare i say someONE) that isn't vile, and continue to take comfort in your family. You're doing all the right things. I send all my best wishes to you.P.S. Sorry if this is corny but......to quote that dodgy Alanis Morisstte song:''Life has a funny way of sneaking up on you when you think everything's okay and everything's going right.And life has a funny way of helping you out''xx
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you Earl Gull. Your support has been wonderful. I spiralled to as low as I could possibly go (or I hope that's the lowest!) two days ago. It was when I was looking for somewhere to live, (I can only afford house shares at the moment) the rooms where so expensive yet so vile.. rotten mouldy beds and bathroom and damp everywhere, that it simply all became too much.As an almost 35 year old woman I had my mother come into the room, when I crashed at mum and Dads, and hold me till 5am as the sobs wouldn't stop. Sounds pathetic doesn't it.Much better day yesterday and today and am hoping it will all continue that way from now on....We will see.Hope you are really really well and wrapping up warm in this chill. Bring on the sSummer indeed.Thank you so very, very much xx
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A
male
reader, EarlGull +, writes (12 March 2013):
I don't think it was so wrong to send that email, it's so hard to resist clicking that send button! But, I would really try not to send anymore, now you've said what you needed to say. He could start the ball rolling again, but would that be a good idea? Only you know what is best for you.
The most important thing you can do for now is put all your energy into work and focus on healing yourself so you don't hate waking up, going to sleep, and the days. It doesn't help either that it's so cold and miserable out there at the moment! Look forward to the summer.
All this may take time, but I promise it will be worth it, the heartbreak will go.
Also, big thanks, i'm glad if i've helped in anyway!
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionDear EarGullThank you for your wonderful reply. I have read it over and over. I have tears coming as I read once more.The last two days have been terrible.Your support is much needed and so kind.Thank you.I feel weaker rather than stronger right now.. I have done the wrong things today by emailing pics of us and the kids and how bad I feel and how much I hurt and love him, and that I would have done anything for him and the kids.He replied twice... they weren't horrible, but just said he is a mess and needs to be alone and that he was so besotted with me he felt he was losing his teenage boys. So, it seems, he felt the best thing to do was to get rid of me. In my eyes. Also, he won't see it, but the boys are just being teenagers... I said, whether you stayed in your troubled marriage, were with me, single, or even gay! they are who they are, love you and you are an amazing dad and I will always think that.Anyway... sorry.. i'm getting carried away again. I hate waking up, going to sleep, and the days. I know noone has died.. but I have lost my love.Thank you for your kindness xx
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A
male
reader, EarlGull +, writes (10 March 2013):
When you are going through heartbreak, people can be so oblivious to how bad you feel inside, and comments like 'You'll be fiiine!", or forget about it, are of no help at allBut, the strange thing about heatrbreak is, even though you sometimes feel like you can't get out of that pit of despair, it can only take one small thing to pull yourself out. But it may take time, as i'm sure you know as you've had your heart broken before.So, you have to ride the storm, but hold on, because you are not the only one going through this, and you WILL come out of the storm and into clear skies again!It is so hard to come to terms with it when someone you love turns cold, and you are unable to switch off your feelings for them. You feel like you've lost a friend, and your lover. But please take comfort in friends and/or family and know you're not alone in your heartbreak. When your ex finally shrinks in your mind, you will grow as a result, and you will look back on your time together without the raw feelings you are suffering from at the moment.Sometimes, there is not just one person out there for us, and maybe, when you are ready, the next one will be the real deal. You are doing the right thing by trying to be strong in your new job, but also allow yourself to be heartbroken. In private, maybe have a bloody good cry as it can make you feel better. Also, laughter and tears are closely linked, so maybe find some comedy (a good film or sitcom) you might find yourself laughing as much as you cried!!Also, sometimes, if you find yourself thinking about the break up, actually tell yourself to stop! I know it's difficult, but you can go over things so much it actually starts to eat you up, and this is not a good place to be. Hugs!!!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your answers... especially the second.Oldbag, thank you. The beginning of your message my be true, but clearly I didn't go into details about her unfaithfulness, and, perhaps I should have made it clearer that they WERE separated and he didn't leave for me.You said "grow up" ... was that needed. Hurt is hurt.Touch love is always good, but when you feel so shite, the gentle approach is often sort after.However, my father is very much along the lines of your reply. As in stop wasting my time and energy and emotions on someone who was never worth it in the first place... quickly follow by a ' I told you he was a wanker'. Cheers Dad. True, but, after looking, not reading them properly, but looking at the HUNDREDS of emails declaring undying love and how 'this is it, I am the one'... if I say those things I mean it, and believe it. So I believed him.Anyway, we all have different opinions and ways of coping.Have a nice Sunday... :)
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A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (10 March 2013):
 Hi
You CAN cope, his wife,the mother of his children did. She had to get on with her life while he lived with you.
The man has a history of being a cheat so you must have known he would go one day.He chased,he won,he left.
Now, toughen up,grow up and move on,in 6 months you will see him for what he is.Throw yourself into work and see friends and family,forget him as he just is not worth the heartache.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2013): Do sorry honey- he turned out to be a selfish ass didn't he? Not your fault and nothing you can do about him. Stay close to your family and spend time with your friends. Talk it out with people and pursue activities that kerp you busy. Obviously life has someone else in mind for you. You'll only see the point of it all when you look back at things. Hugs.
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