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female
,
anonymous
writes: Urgent, HELP ! My bf and i have dealt with many issues this school year. Some that really could have broke us up and it almost happened. One being my bf smoking with a friend ocassionaly to be social with him and he kept it from me entirely. I was crushed from this. I felt like my heart was ripped up into pieces. The trust was broken and it didn't seem to matter. All this stuff has cause me to suffer a lot and he knows it. It has caused him pain too, but he caused it himself. He knew that this friend whom gave him the cigarettes to be social with was not my favourite guy. I have a very strong dislike for him. Well to make the story short, My bf and i plan to make everything better this summer as we want a future and to get married. But the problem is this friend who very much help to cause problems is moving here instead of somewheres else. He is moving here because of my bf's fathers buisness, to work for him. Now my bf kept this detial from me until it was final because he knew i was hate it but he still did it. I have an issue with constant reminders of bad things. I honestly can't deal with them and my bf knew. But instead of doing something so that we don't end up in heated arguements like tonights ago, my bf is going a long with it. I know that all my bf has to do is talk to his father about the issue and it will be solved but he won't live up to his mistake. I love my boyfriend a lot but i can't deal with the stress of this. The friend even complained of the rent up here. He turned down a job else where for full time to move here to be friends with my bf. Meanwhile here he may only get 4 days. Im about to snap. I have explained, explained and explained to my bf and all i get is him being so defensive for the friend. He knows that his friend moving here will lead to more heated arguements but he is willingly to deal with it. Im not and he doesn't understand. I need to get through to him fast, very fast like tomorrow. I need to stop this before he moves here and its too late. Help me get this bad influence packing his bags to elsewhere. HELP!!! I need to get through to my bf now, im running out of time fast!
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2006): put yourself into his shoes- how would you feel if he told you to stay away from one of your friends- do not try and control him cause in the end it will be you who looses
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhelp, i have a couple hours to come up with ways to discourage this friend from coming up indirectly so it seems as though its his own decision. Help me please!!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2006): I've been in a situation where I felt that my boyfriend's friends were bad influences on him, but I couldn't help the fact that they were friends, and niether can you. Your boyfriend is allowed to have his own friends, whether you care for them or not, and that just can't be helped. This is a situation where you need to COMPROMISE with your boyfriend. Tell him you don't care if those two are friends and he lives nearby so long as he doesn't smoke cigarettes or do the things that bother you. Your boyfriend WILL continue to be friends with this guy whether you like it or not, and that's just the truth. Things can't always go your way. Relationships just don't work that way. You can't ask your boyfriend to choose between you and his friend. If you do, he'll probably choose his friend. Compromise so that you BOTH can be satisfied. Consider your boyfriend's feelings here. Don't put your relationship at risk by telling him he can't be friends with his friend anymore. I really hope things work out okay for you two. Good luck!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2006): Planning on getting married, cant stand the stress of it all? Dear oh dear. You are in school for heavens sake. As much as you may hate this guy he is still your boyfriends friend and you have to respect that fact. You dont control his life and he shouldnt be forced to choose his friends based on what you approve of. Fair enough, he may be a bit of a bad influence, but that being said it isnt him who is lying to you, it's your boyfriend. Your boyfriends lies and your seemingly possessive and controlling nature that is causing these 'heated arguements', not his friend even if he has caused some problems, and its certainly not your choice who someone else works for or where he is living. Don't be so controlling and grow up!
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