A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi all. I'm sorry I have question. Me and my boyfriend is on long distance relationship now. He was staying in same country for last 3 months and now he's in his country for some visa and application purposes to come back here. Actually I feel a lil bit devastated that 1) he told my vagina is not tight and start to ask about did I have sex very long time ago such as 10 years back? I had sex 4 years back with my ex boyfriend and this is my second committed bf. My sex life before him was amazing and he has big size too. Ok my question, my bf now is asking whether I have sex with another man instead of my ex since 10 years? About my ex bf, my bf is very possessive man so I have to tell him about my ex. Was it the active sex with my ex before make it loose? My bf now also said that he checked with his friend, a gynea so that his friend told him those. So he asked me this questions What should I do?2) He keeps saying this matter that he has not satisfied, is that possible that he is cheating me as we are In long distance relationship?3) I went to Istanbul to meet him, before the trip, our love is ok and full of happiness even we are far. Things are different after the trip that he couldn't accept the attitude I shown to him when he became rough when talking to me. I banter with him as he treated me that way. But when im arrived to my home country, everything turns up to be worse and all the items 1 and 2 arrived. And he keep on saying he can't forget something I did in Istanbul for banter with him just to make him to respect me. He called me use your brain (stupid) and being rough which is not my culture. I am Malaysian he is Libyan Arabic.After the trip, all went bad, bad communications and I request for break up. He didnt agree to it but keep on asking myself to change first. I dont know. I feel my dignity is stoop too low, I don't want to argue so much since so far apart but I want a closure. What should I do? And is my vagina is loose due to previous good sex with ex?I never want to ask his history because it is too much. But I can't take it anymore. Help me what I dont know and what can I do. Thanks alot.
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long distance, my ex, sex life, sex with another, vagina Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI dumped him but i am so suffer. But thanks all for saving me.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (6 March 2014):
 He isn't a good fit for you in any way. ACCEPT that YOU can do better then him, ACCEPT that you DESERVE a better man then him.
Block him from all your social pages (if you have any), make his e-mail go in the spam folder, so you don't have to see them, delete his number and SET yourself free of this guy.
The guy is NOT a good guy. He VERBALLY puts you down, tell you things to make HIM have the upper hand (like you being "loose", which is utter BS) He flirts with women he works with too?
My guess is he CHOSE a girl who was FAR away (physically) so he can pretend to have a relationship with her, but she isn't really part of his life.
Dump him.
NO more contact. If he calls ignore it or block his number if you can.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2014): A quick reply, many have already given excellent advice. It is patently clear to everyone reading your post that you are being abused, although you don't realise it. You know deep down that a nice man (or woman) would not have made a comment like that. I had something similar done to me, my ex criticised my breasts, my bottom, my legs, my tummy. Note I said ex. I stayed with him for some time afterwards, 3 years or so. Why? Because I rationalised his verbal abuse and attempts to put me down and I believe that is exactly what you are doing.If you haven't read anything about abusive men I suggest you do so. Also google "narcissism". No loving and caring partner in their right minds would ever try to undermine their partner like this. But when you are in the mire of it your boundaries get pushed a little every time until before you know it, the abuse has escalated. My ex stole money, lied and cheated but was very clever about it, because most of the time he was "nice" to me.Get out, forget him. No contact. Tell him it's over, to leave you alone and block his calls and emails etc. He knows EXACTLY what he is doing and whether this comes from his own self-esteem issues, who gives a flying toss? He is trying to bring you down and if you stay long enough, it will, trust me. The only reason he doesn't want it to end is his ego. My ex wouldn't let go either, he never believed I would tell him where to shove it.Get you pride back on board and live life without this loser X
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (6 March 2014):
 Naz, end the relationship. Just end it. Who care if he doesn't 'agree' to it? It's not his prerogative to trap you into an unwanted relationship.
End the relationship.
"Ali (or Ahmed or John or Brandon or Jon or whatever his name is) sorry that this isn't working out, it's obvious we are not suited as a couple. Consider this the breakup message.
I have tried to do it the other way but as you are not accepting it, I have to make it very clear.
We are no longer a couple. We are not dating and this is my goodbye message to you.
Goodbye.
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As for your actions and behavior. Stop being a stalker. Is that difficult for you?
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi, I am just confused and I know I shouldn't feel doubt to leave him. Just I feel I need second opinion even I love him but my mind is tortured and my gut said I should leave him too. Thanks a lot Wise.. yes, its true he is mean to me, mentally and emotionally. U guys are right. I will.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2014): We can't tell you what to do. We can only give you advice.
It doesn't seem you are paying any attention. Perhaps you are waiting for the answer you want to hear. You say thank you. Then just added more awful things. Do you fully understand the advise we have given you?
First, you complain about how awful he is and the bad things he says to you. Then you say you love him.
It is very hard to get through to women who say they love abusive men. They have to come to a point when they can no longer take it anymore; or someone close to them intervenes to save them. Worst that could happen, is they stay with these terrible men and he destroys them. I do not think you are listening and this could happen to you.
I can tell English is not your first language. So there may be a small language barrier. When men are cruel to you, you must leave them immediately.
You don't ask people help you, and then completely ignore everyone. Say thanks, then give the excuse that you love him.
I pray he does you no further harm, but it will not stop until you end the relationship. That means delete his phone number and stop talking to him 100%. He is a crazy abusive man who is of a different culture from your own; and he is treating you horribly. You have my sympathies. I fear you may have to learn the hard way. My heart goes out to you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks alot guys.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi All, I got all your messages and thanks alot. Yes he keeps using the issue he couldn't forget the istanbul trip which is to him I was a woman with no attitude and couldn't follow his instructions, and now talking about the loose vagina. He even said that his penis isn't small. Until I told him, " I hate to break this to you, my ex was a lil bigger' I am bad saying all those but I cant take it as he keeps asking about my ex. Worse, now he is asking about his phone number as in to clarify few things with him. I feel this too much. I love him but I guess it becomes so different and this is not the things I want. I love but I feel something wrong happened at my back. Actually yes he keeps contact me everyday but the problems are he becomes different such as shouting, mad and keep talking abt those. Fyi, I maybe a lil stalker, noticed he was flirting with one of women in his work place in fb, and I asked nicely, he said he swear god he still loyal to me. But I wonder if he still loyal or love me, why he is doing all those and talked that way to me. Pls feel free to comment abt this also. Guys, I would like to say thanks a lot. Naz
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (5 March 2014):
 "Sounds" to me like you've found an immature idiot who isn't worth a whit of your time and/or mental attention....
Dump him.... and find out about the ooooodles of other nice guys who are "out there".... and would like to spend time with you....
Good luck...
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2014): That thing will pop right back. Sex won't plastically deform a vagina. Childbirth will put it out of commission for a while, but with some time, healing, and kegels, it can be even better than before.
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (5 March 2014):
 Send him an email telling him it's over. Don't get into long explanations but do cite his atrocious behaviour as the reason. Then block his email and phone number so he can't contact you again and you won't be tempted or talked into taking him back.
OP, we've received many questions from women whose boyfriends have told them they're 'loose' and accusing them of sleeping around. This is a common ploy to conceal their own infidelity or to keep the woman on edge trying to prove herself.
You've got to walk away much sooner. The very first time a man steps out of line like this, dump him and don't look back.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2014): Try doing kegal exercises. Squeeze your vagina together like you are holding in a pee. Do sets of 20 5 x a day. And ypu can do them and noone will know!
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2014): Please dump that idiot! He is out of his mind. How could you allow a man to speak to you with such disrespect and cruelty? Block his phone number and stop talking to him.
Delete his messages and stop opening them. You can just ignore him and he'll go away.
You can't control your fingers, you have to answer him?
Cut off all contact. Tell him your vagina is not loose, he has a very small penis! Never speak to him again.
Please do not contact that man anymore. He has an abusive nature; and says horrible things to you. You didn't have to come to this sight to realize that he is rude and ignorant and you have to stop communicating with him. You are intelligent enough to stop someone from bothering you.
If a man says terrible things to you, you are old enough to know that you should end any further contact with him. You are over 30 years old and should already know that.
If you let him get away with talking to you like that, he is going to believe you aren't very smart. He will walk all over you like a doormat. Do not allow that man back in your home!!!
If he comes back, call the police or immigration authorities! Tell them he is harassing you. They will not let him re-enter your country.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2014): "What should I do?"
Tell him his dick is too small and dump him.
"is that possible that he is cheating me as we are In long distance relationship?"
Not only possible, but probable. Those who accuse others of cheating are usually cheaters themselves.
"I feel my dignity is stoop too low, I don't want to argue so much since so far apart but I want a closure. What should I do?"
Reclaim your dignity, pride and self-respect while getting the closure you need by dumping this arrogant, suspicious, controlling, verbally abusive jerk.
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