A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi I'm having a sexual problem with my boyfriend any advice you could give would be helpful thanks.. My boyfriend never tells me what he likes in bed he always says he likes what we are doing.. The thing is I know he likes porn actually I think it may be borderline addicted , I have suggested we watch it together and he says no gets really angry and had even cried.. I also suggested using his bag of toys I found in his bathroom fake vagina and anal stimulator and such .. he refused and I got really depressed about our sex life.. I feel unattractive like my sex is not good enough even though he assures me that sex with me is the best he has ever had. Anyways I talked with my Therapist and came to the conclusion he has an addiction I brought this up to him and He threw out all his toys (I never asked him to do that ) and said he didn't, well we have been separated for a while due to ongoing issues but recently got back together... I wanted to look pretty for him so suggested we go to a sex shop and he bought me an outfit and a vibrator I begged him to pick something for himself and I had no judgment me said all he needed was me so we left .. Then back at his place searching for toilet paper in the bathroom I find he has a bag of anal and random sex toys again .. I wasn't upset that he had them only upset that he refused to use them with me and flat out denied that he is into prostate anal message stuff when I basically begged him to tell me what he liked. He told me he didn't like anal play and only tried it once then never did it again and had no care to do it, but why did he buy another one then ? I confronted him and he said he didn't like that toy only herd it was supposed to feel good. I'm just upset that he refused to use this stuff with me like he can watch porn and experiment but not tell me what he wants in bed .. then he ended up crying and screaming at me. I told him just to forget it. But now I honestly feel really bad about our sex life and don't even try anymore. I'm so depressed and feel unattractive. All I wanted to do was please him and feel good enough. What should I do I'm never in the mood anymore and he has noticed it. Thanks for reading..
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depressed, got back together, in the mood, porn, sex life, sex toy, vagina, vibrator Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (19 December 2018):
 You've been bullying and brow beating him to perform for you and trying to recruit your therapist and now strangers on the internet to join you, but HE'S the sex addict??
I agree, leave the man alone. What you're doing is called sexual harrassment.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (15 December 2018):
You are trying to FORCE him to share something he doesn't WANT to share with you. THAT is quite obvious. HIS toys are something HE doesn't WANT to share with you. Why? It's hard to guess.
Could it be that he feels "his" toys are for when he CAN NOT have sex with you? Or that perhaps they are a bit taboo? In the sense that it's anal toys and some people equate anal toys/play with being gay- or YOU thinking he rather be with a guy?
You are making the mistake of trying to compete with his "toys". If he hasn't INTRODUCED them into your sex life it's more than likely because he has been satisfied with what you two have WITHOUT having to add toys, where as when he is "doing" himself he feels he needs something MORE than just his own hands. Hence the toys.
Masturbation is something that (for some people) is a VERY private thing. And you barged into his demanding he share his toys with you and apparently HE is uncomfortable with it. Like you, he might feel INADEQUATE since YOU want to add more to the bedroom than JUST him.
You two are talking past each other - him CRYING is so over the top I don't get it at all. Why get so emotional over his toys? And why keep trying to FORCE him to share this with you when it's pretty clear he doesn't WANT to?
Get your own toys. THAT you will enjoy. Then try and introduce them with him, if he is OK with that, then when HE is comfortable have him pick one of his to use with you... perhaps OR accept.. HE doesn't WANT to share his sex-toys.
Now, you say you don't have an issue with it, but you DO. You have even discussed this with YOUR therapist. You have "diagnosed" him as a borderline sex addict because he has toys? Or because he doesn't want to watch porn with you and share his toys?
You two need to have a talk. ACCEPT his boundaries but see if you can get him to spell them out. As is why he doesn't want to watch porn WITH you. I would venture a guess that he is just VERY private about WHAT he watches BY HIMSELF. Masturbation isn't something people DO to HURT their partner, or because their partners are "good enough" "sexy enough" or anything else enough. YOU have just chose to take PERSONAL affront to him being private about it.
Porn rarely improves on a couple's sexlife.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (15 December 2018):
 He sounds embarrassed by them, so leave it alone. Trust that you’re enough for sex and the toys are for him to use on his own. There’s no issue with that.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2018): Jesus christ leave the man alone
He already told you that you are all he wants, what else do you want? You want to force him to use sex toy with you so you will validate that you are still the most attractive, you come off as very insecure and manipulative too, Men dont want to share sex toy or watch porn with their signicant other, its simple as that, if his porn usage makes him not wants sex anymore, then thats where the problem is, but i believe he still wants sex and you are forcing him to use anal toy on himself for your own pleasure
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