A
female
age
36-40,
*zDJ
writes:When my husband left, my daughters and I were left with nothing. We had to start from scratch. I started dating my boyfriend 3 1/2 years ago, after my husband left. 6 months later he asked me to marry him when my divorce came thru. We are finally situated and stable and my divorce will finally be final soon. We have been living together for little over two years, he has been great to my daughters. Now tho, when I mention a wedding or getting married he changes the subject, or if I ask a specific question he'll say he doesn't care its up to me. I've said we do not have to get married, we can stay as we are if he'd like but he says he wants to marry me. He reacts the same way if I mention moving to a bigger place..is he just afraid of change. What's going on? What can I do?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (6 January 2013):
 What he's REALLY afraid of is the encroaching ADULTHOOD.. with its attendant RESPONSIBILITY and DECISION-MAKING that he has successfully deflected, up until now....
YOU can either make the decisions FOR HIM... or sit on the side and wait for him to grow up and make the decisions....
I suggest the former (that YOU make the decisions)... and that your FIRST decision be: "I'd rather spend my time with an adult. Good bye."
Good luck...
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (6 January 2013):
 6 months is too soon to marry someone. He is apprehensive about the future but it's too late to backpeddle now as that would make him look like a jerk. Just tell him as much as you love him, you don't feel ready when there are no concrete plans regarding living situation. Say you still want to marry him, but having more time to plan is wiser. Then let him do the planning. Let him wonder if you are willing to wait around.
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