A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I think I'm half in love with my bf but something nags me in the back of my mind...he has these little tendencies of being controlling. We've been together almost six months and I'm noticing it more and more. If I'm upset with him he just snaps at me to stop "acting weird" and if we were on the phone, tells me to call him back when I'm "normal". If something doesn't go his way, he gets upset. He threatened once to throw my phone away when this friend kept texting me for help and now it HAS to be on silent when with him-God help me if it beeps. If I don't want sex, he keeps initiating anyway...I lost my virginity to him that way. He treats me like a child sometimes and at times its cute but at others, I feel weird. But, maybe I'm overreacting. He's a nice guy, always ready to help, intelligent, funny, and sweet. I think sometimes that our age gap has something to do with it...hes 16yrs older. I dunno...its weird, every once in a while, during sex he slaps me...not very hard though. I'm confused. Please, help..
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2010): Hes not outright violent and abusive but he is certainly childish, petulant and somewhat ridiculous. Add to that he is meant to be the mature one and you get one hell of a bad feeling in the pit of your stomach.
Something tells me this guy is a bit Jekyll and Hyde...
At your age and also being unmarried and without kids you don't need to put up with this..chalk it up to a weird experience and move on to the sane ones out there or at the very least date the safe crazies. This one is a bad egg..
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2010): Hi
You feel weird you say...when abuse first begins your perception is changing making it difficut to know for sure what is going on. Right now your perception is bending at the moment and you are starting to get confusing feelings, one min he's good then bad. It's a slow process but it has to be because if they did it all at once in the beginning you would be gone! Yes he is starting to control you.
You need to either leave and find a relationship that makes you feel happy and relaxed OR you need to take a very gentle but firm stand and let him know what you are not willing to accept. For example tell him i will not feel on edge because my phone rings 2. i will not put it on silence in fear.3. Do not ever slap me again.
I would be on guard with this relationship if you are noticing it more and more it will get worse over time and he will start to blame you for the slightest thing and make you feel guilty.
You are so young i would advise you to get away from this relatinship however nice he is some of the time.you don't need this cxxx in your life, you should be full of fun and enjoying the freedom of relaxing around friends, and he should know this been so much older.
Maybe you will stay with him but remember control creeps up and it becomes harder to leave the more involved you become. Just be careful and remember nobody OWNS you.
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