A
female
age
36-40,
*imi88
writes:I found out that my boyfriend has been lieing to me for maybe the duration of our three year relationship about porn, i foud some on his computer. since then he has been treating me diffrently and i even foud out he has been snorting legal coke from a head shop, i feel very betrayed buit i love him very very much and want to know the best way to approach him about this, i would be really grateful for any advice, Thanks 3 Mimi
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female
reader, BunnyTee  +, writes (17 May 2010):
 SMART GIRL!! Best of luck in the next round! There's plenty of good guys out there, it just takes a little while to find 'em. Hang in there!
A
female
reader, mimi88 +, writes (15 May 2010):
mimi88 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey,
well i had a talk with him and we decided to call it a day, as he dosnt feel like he can tell me things and because he keeps things from me i cant trust him anymore. its probably for the best as our problems were growing out of controle! thank you all for your great advice.
Mimi
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A
female
reader, mimi88 +, writes (4 May 2010):
mimi88 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey everyone thank you all very much for oyr replys, it was extremely helpful, i wouls just like to add thati dnt beleive in fixating on the perfect man and i think alot of romanic films are bull, i only want honesty and clarity in my situation, however the advice made me feel alot better i will talk to him and let you know how it goes, also thank you for the support its good to know im not alone, Xx Mimi
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A
female
reader, BunnyTee +, writes (3 May 2010):
The porn thing, again. I swear porn has caused many more problems than it's aggregate worth as an industry.
Sweetie, Cerberus, the three-headed dog dude here has a valid point. Guys have a visual fixation when it comes to sex and porn feeds that, us girls are cerebral about it: this is a known scientific fact.This, however; excuses no sloth of lying repeatedly and shoving drugs up his nose. The lying aspect is the deal breaker, in this. I, personally have a zero-tolerance policy on lies in a relationship. If this guy is going to perpetrate a fraud like this for this long, you just have to ask what else is he capable of? Drugs are drugs, "legal" or not, plus lying, you're headed for disaster, girl! Take the next off ramp and keep going!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2010): The lying is the worst thing about this. All guys watch porn, we do and we wouldn't have to sneak behind our girlfriends backs if they didn't realize that porn is only as bad as girls drooling over Edward Cullen in Twilight tirlogy.
I'm lucky enough to have a girlfriend that understands that at the moment, but in a previous relationship I had a girlfriend that didn't. So I basically told her I'd stop watching porn if she stopped watching romance movies with guys with perfectly sculpted bodies and unrealistically perfect in their treatment of women.
So while women say they have reason to feel insecure about guys watching porn because they don't compare to those women or can't do the things they do, is it not then reason for us guys to feel insecure about ourselves in comparison to the guys in those movies? Yet it is seen as perfectly acceptable for girls to sit through a movie wishing they had a guy like that, when guys wouldn't ever dream of actually wanting to be with a pron star.
You gotto ask yourself why he lied about the porn, in every relationship I've had I've watched porn, if my girlfriend at the time hated it then I wouldn't do it often at all, but I'd still watch it from time to time behind her back.
You can quote respect for her feelings all you want to me but what about my feelings? Porn means nothing to me but I do like to watch it to get myself off sometimes, every girlfriend I've had a dildo or vibrator they used regularly but I didn't get jealous of that even though they might have been bigger than my penis or do things that no penis can.
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A
female
reader, whisper74 +, writes (3 May 2010):
Hi Mimi. I have been with a guy for almost 1 yr. I found out that he was into internet porn/magazines several mos. ago. At the time I didn't think much of it... until I caught him (I think you know what I mean) in "The Act" on the internet. He got very angry at me- I think he was very embarassed, and felt guilty about it. He told me a couple mos. ago that he wasn't looking at it anymore, but he still is, and it really has taken a toll on my self-esteem. Especially thay he keeps lying to me that he says he's not watching it anymore.He does not do drugs, but only stopped drinking 14 mos. ago. I'm afraid he now has a porn addiction. He says he wants me to talk to him and express myself, but I am not 'allowed' to talk about porn with him. I think your man has no right to yell at you. There is physical and mental abuse. I have dealt with both, and I have to say that the mental stuff is worse. I know I didn't give you advice, but I wanted to let you know that you are not alone. Can you talk to him without him yelling or getting pissed at you? Good luck, hun.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2010): the only advice i can give you is confront him and dump him! He's a druggy, a liar and a sleaze..u know you can do better! You may say you love him but surely you can't be in love with someone like this Gud luck :-)
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