A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello aunts. I guess I'm here more or less to vent. I am 20 years old, and I kinda have 2 jobs. I work graveyard at a nursing home and during the day I babysit and also on my nights off such as tonight I keep a 3 month old for a little extra money. My fiance works ONE job and It's not really a steady job. Some weeks he works 5 days and some weeks he'll work as little as one. Anywho, I am EXHAUSTED and he won't help me period when I'm watching the baby. I just wish he'd hold her for a second while i prep the bottle or use the bathroom or something! I even asked him to wake up with me tonight so I wouldn't fall asleep b/c the baby has a horrible cold and is breathing awful. So I'm staying awake to make sure she can breath ok and get her medicine on time. Oh, I forgot to tell you I am 3 1/2 months pregnant which makes me more exhausted. I don't know if I'm just emotional or if he's just a cold hearted prick and doesn't want to help. If you could give me any advice please do.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2010): Oh dear, you are not going to like my reply, and I'm apologising before even writing this..
But please, WHY are you pregnant with a 'BOY'friend, BOY being the operative word here, when ONE, you cant afford to live without having TWO jobs to survive, a possible third, looking after someone's baby on your nights off, and WORSE still, you are living with a CHILD already. He has demonstrated NONE of the nurturing, or mature responsible qualities of a PARTNER let alone a father to be, yet you are setting up home with him. Hellloooo...
You are 20 years old, and there is no point in giving you the soft option, you need to open your eyes to SEE the kind of person YOU have SETTLED for, which by the sounds of it is not a wise choice. I suspect you've not known each other for that long, probably not much more than a year, if that, you moved in too quickly together, didn't spend the amount of time needed to decipher if the person you've chosen to be is going to be good partner material. Usually 18-24 months does this. So you can see how they are around the home, what their parents taught them, whether their Mother picked up after them 24/7 to even wiping their nose - If a female ever ends up with a male like this, all she is doing is taking OVER from the Mother, she will in turn end up being a Mother and house-keeper and do ALL the work, look after the children, as he sees this a natural role. He's seen NOTHING else!
To find out al that, it takes time, and this situation seems such a common occurrence with young females these days, no one really dates properly any more, they drift into a relationship, become pregnant within a few months, then DISCOVER it's not as they thought. As you are finding out with this BOY!
Sometimes we need to be tough in an attempt for people to see they need to be MORE selective ( a word I use often, as it's apt) choosy who they become a partner off, certainly where having children with a partner is concerned, be ultra choosy, as this person will affect YOU and YOUR baby's life for the rest of your natural. What they do, what they earn, how caring, nurturing, a good team player they are, to taking responsibility and sharing everything 50-50 together, if a guy is NOT going to do any of this, then you don't set up home with him.
By the sound of it HE is 'an immature boy who is not ready for what he has infront of him' and regardless of what you do is very unlikely to change his ways, that is the truth of it, that is why US FEMALES must take great care not get ourselves in relationships with guys like this. Dating is fine, where you come home to your own place, but this is a step on from that.
So what can you do now, you can ONLY talk to him, tell him how you feel, how exhausted you are, tell him how being pregnant can be really tough in the first few weeks, your body and emotions adjusting etc..If he doesn't respond well, as really CHANGING and taking his part in this, NO not 'HELPING' as you so put it, but DOING 50-50 as his part of deal. This is why men are so useless and picking up after themselves, because it's women who BRING them up, so we only have ourselves to blame. Mothers should take note, and bring their own son's up to cook, clean, iron, pick-up after themselves as part of normal home duties, then they become great partners!
Please think about whether he is going to be there for you when you have this baby, as I'm not sure you will be able to cope with TWO children at the same time. Frankly, if he doesn't change and care for you as he should, then YES he is a SELFISH, IMMATURE young man (P***K!!)
Sorry it's been tough, but it's because I care, I want you to open your eyes.
Take care,
Jilly
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