A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend broke up with me last Friday, whereas the night before he took me to dinner for my birthday, bought me flowers and gifts. We were also intimate. He lives an hour away, but showed up unannounced. I was excited, because he is always spontaneous like that. He grabbed my hand and said, well babe, I don't think we should see each other anymore. He said he loves me deeply, but he isn't in love with me. That I am the most beautiful woman he has ever met and he knows he will never find someone like me again, but he wants to feel that goo goo gaa gaa feeling for me and he just doesn't. I was blind-sided.He said has been feeling this way for about a week, but didn't want to ruin my vacation or birthday. But here is the thing, he would call me every morning and face-time me every night (sometimes twice a night). He did the same thing while I was on vacation. On my way back from my vacation he called me and I just so happened to be in his town. I could hear it in his voice that he was excited to see me. I told him that I had to bring my friend home and his voice dropped. He said I wish you would have told her to meet you here before you left. So when I got home, I unpacked and headed back his way. His face lit up when I walked into his house. He said, hey baby, kissed me passionately and said how much he missed me. He cooked me dinner that night and in the middle of cooking, he put his arms around me, kissed my neck, turned me around and kissed me again then said let's take it to the bedroom. We we intimate three times that night. The next day before he went to work, he said to use my key and lock up, then he said how glad he was that I came over, kissed me then left. Two days later was my birthday, so I just don't understand. He is already on a dating website that says he is actively looking for a long-term relationship. I am heartbroken and confused.I haven't reached out to him, but on Monday he heard my dad was in the hospital. He texted me saying that I spoke with God and said a prayer for your dad. I prayed for you and your family too. I hope he is ok. I responded five hours later, saying thank you. He responded immediately asking how was he doing. I briefly told him and he responded, take care of yourself, I said you too. I haven't spoken to him since.If I don't contact him, do you think he will wonder what I am doing and maybe miss me? Do we have a chance of getting back together?
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 September 2015): [EDIT] "As I've said so many times over, he was right! I found him some better! He's much much better!"
Correction:
"As I've said so many times over, he was right! I found someone better! He's much much better!"
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 September 2015): Well, here I am again; responding to a story that pretty much sums up my relationship before he dumped me. We were intimate, went on vacations, and had a wonderful time together. We spent a lot of money on each other, and sex was phenomenal. Then came that same talk.
As the last anonymous writer most correctly explained; he enjoyed the warmth and intimacy you brought into his life.
He was captivated by your personality and looks, but he wasn't in love with you. He was ready to move on, you have reached your expiration-date. He's still searching.
He is a romantic, and some guys just know how to seduce you with their charms. They enjoy all the passion and security you offer; but they desire all the benefits of an exclusive girlfriend/boyfriend. Yet they never stop searching for something you/I apparently couldn't satisfy. Like a an addict trying to find something that gives them a longer and better high.
Girlfriend, if anyone on this site knows what being blind-sided feels like? It's me! No fights or arguments to blame it on. He did have some creepy dark secrets I found out about; but his charms somehow compensated. I should admit, maybe I dismissed what I knew in denial. I must have purposely overlooked a possible red-flag. I deluded myself into feeling things were the best they could ever be.
He told me I deserved someone better. Go figure.
As I've said so many times over, he was right! I found him some better! He's much much better! Oh, I went through emotional hell after being dumped. I'm all the stronger and the wiser. I give the other guy credit because he woke-up a dormant heart. My partner died, and I was numb for quite some time. The dumper came along and reactivated my passions! So appreciate the fact he gave you romance and affection; you'll remember for the rest of your life. It was only meant to be brief. Someone in your destiny is making his way to you. Be prepared. That's what happened to me. You've got to let this chapter close.
Well, you've got some healing to do. Don't try to figure him out. It will wrack your brain. There is no logic. Only that he's searching for your replacement; so you should focus only on yourself now. It takes a lot of painful emotion, grief, and an excruciating detachment-process to move on. It's just one of those things. That's life.
Don't set your heart on getting back together. You should program yourself to move on, and move forward. Not sit in waiting like some sea captain's widow; looking into the horizon for his return. The dude is looking for another bed to warm. Let him go.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (20 September 2015):
 I am sorry to say this, but... if he is back on dating sites he is actively searching for someone, and that someone is not you. So, I would not waste time or energy hoping he will realize his folly and come back to you.
He might... however, contact you for sex, company, someone to talk to if he doesn't find what he is looking for elsewhere, but... I don't think he will want to be with you in a relationship again.
I would delete & block his number - because it is MUCH easier to move on if he can't get a hold of you when he is bored or (pardon) horny.
The fact that he wanted to break up with you, but STILL went ahead and had SEX with you and romance you I find a bit repulsive of him. It was in an "odd way" nice of him to "spare you" the break up for your vacation/birthday... but... he should have been man enough to not get intimate with you as well. Specially since he knew he wanted to break up with you.
I'm sorry, I'd chalk this one up to a .... you two just weren't the right match (in his eyes). And the cut him loose and cut him off.
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A
male
reader, ignorant_gringo +, writes (19 September 2015):
What you describe is a man who enjoys being intimate with you and likes you as a person... but doesn't love you. If he is actively looking again, you'll always be second string to him.
If you are honest with yourself and accept that, you could have a good physical and friendly relationship with the fella if that is what you want.
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