A
female
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anonymous
writes:Heres my problem, been wit ma bf for over 1yr he told me last night (well actually i had to ask him after a phone call he had) he goin on 2 stag-dos one for 4 days in Germany and the other for 7 nights in either bennidorm or costa del sol. im furious and told him what i think abt it, most of my best mates are guys and i no what they go on these stag dos for. He said he wont cheat (well thats what hes bound to say) he just going for drinking and a laugh with his mates. yet hes says we cant afford to go away together as a couple yet this so far is costing him nearly £400. he gave me some feeble excuse that hed have to pay for me (which is absolute bull **** and that hes only going cos they're good mates. (sounds to me like hes trying to justify going!!! He tried to cuddle me in bed last night and said he loves me, i did not return either gesture, to be honest i cant and dont even wanna look at him and when he goes im thinking should i cheat on him? ps - hes never cheated on me before, but i know bennidorm and costa del sol is full of slappers and since he can afford to go off with his mates than go away with me (who hes meant to love) then why should i trust him??
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2007): If he has never cheated on you before, what are you wasting your time worrying about then??
You obviously don't trust him or you wouldn't be making such a big deal over this!!!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2007): I see your point totally, but lets break this problem down into parts.
Firstly, there is the fact he is spending £400 to go away with his mates when he could spend that towards the two of you going away. His mate who is getting married will hopefully only be married once, so this stag do is likely to be more of a duty than a holiday. I have been in the same situation and had to spend money on getting drunk everynight in Dublin. I could have used the money better elsewhere and couldnt really afford it, but I had to go as it was a mate and I wouldnt get the chance again. He will undoubtedly feel bad about leaving you and would probably rather go somewhere with you, but as I said, its more of a duty if its a close mate. He'll likely make it up to you when he comes back. 4 days is not a long time.
Secondly, there is the trust issue. If he is the type of guy that would cheat on you, then you cannot stop him, he will do it if he wants. So dont even try to keep him from going. If he wants to cheat, then he will do it wherever. It doesnt need to be on a 4 day trip abroad when he will likely be too drunk to do anything anyway.
Thirdly, dont worry about the amount of slappers over there. Yes, you are correct that there will be opportunity to pull if he wants to, but if he was that type of guy, would you be with him in the first place? Dont worry about the slappers because it takes two and as long as your bf loves you and misses you, he will not stray. I didnt cheat when I went on afreind's stag do in Dublin, in fact out of the 15 that went, only 1 or 2 did cheat.
Try putting yourself in HIS shoes. If you were going away for a few days and you HAD to go, would you be more likely to cheat on him if he was loving, supportive and trusting before you left? If he was acting like you are, and being cold and untrusting, then he will already feel like he is a cheat by the way he is being treated. If he feels so rejected and untrusted, unloved when he is on holiday, then he will be less likely to miss you as much and more likely to stray (if he is the type). Do you see what I mean?
Best advice for you would be to apologise to him for how you acted. Tell him you trust him and that you love him. Give each other plenty of affection before he goes and dont pressure him to contact you frequently when he is away. Tell him to enjoy himself and you keep yourself busy with other things while he is away. If he phones, dont question him about what he has been doing or he will feel you are accusing him. Be supportive, tell him youre looking forward to him coming home. Tell him youve got a surprise for him when he gets back, anything to keep his focus on the two of you. You will find that he will be itching to get back to you.
Whatever you do, DO NOT cheat on him when he is away. The fact that you are thinking that is pretty crazy. It would serve no purpose whatsoever. Only to make you feel bad in yourself.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2007): A lot of men go on these and there is a risk that they will misbehave. Not because they would usually, but there is drink and peer pressure to contend with. Most men admit they would have sex with another person if there was no way their partner could find out. This is ideal territory and if it was on offer most men would go along with it. I am sure he would come home and be just as nice as ever, having shut the experience in a box. IT is up to you if you can stand wondering. The world is becoming a place where everything is very available and the value of real passion and love is lost. I am sorry that you have to feel insecure, maybe he is an angel and I am too suspicious.
To be honest, if my partner spent his money on trips away on such territory without me rather than with me I would tell him it was over. Full stop.
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