A
female
age
51-59,
*aslar123
writes:Hi I have a problem that is eating me up. I have been with my partner for over 7 years. He has used porn since the start whcih is something I had never even seen. Anyway I went along with it to please him!!!! pretended I liked it whcih I know was wrong. The trouble is is became all he wanted there were hundreds of magazines in my bedroom as well as DVDs and the internet. It disgusted me and our sex life was almost non existent as he got all his needs met by the pretty girls, milfs etc in his collection. I could not take any more there was no affection etc. So I left, but came back after 6 weeks with the promise of no more porn. I waited for him to throw it out but ended up doing it myself.Now he tells me he misses the porn and I only make him reasonably happy as he does not get to look at other womenAlso all the way through our relationship he has got me to look at other women for him and describe them in bed to make him excited so obviously I dont do it??He also said that if he does not have porn he will continue to look at other women (which is a full time hobby) and fantasize about them, if he then sees them "well" was his commentWe have no sex life at the moment sorry for going on this is my first time and it is all getting on top of meplease give advice it is all appreciated
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2012): Sorry to say but the guy is odd alot of people just use porn to get off and do not cherish it.
A
female
reader, haslar123 +, writes (11 April 2012):
haslar123 is verified as being by the original poster of the question Cerebrus, I find it interesting what you say about a quick relief! He can spend hours looking at mags and dvds!!!!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2012): "It may just be that he is not the one for me?"
Definitely not by the looks of things. "I'll take you back but only if you give up porn" "Okay baby I will" ... "baby I miss porn, you just don't do it for me on your own" "Bye bye douche!"
"Are all men in to porn, am I just a niave old lady?"
Not all but I would say most of us. Lots of guys only watch it when single. There are also lots who have watched it but don't anymore. There are some who have never liked it and then rest of us are guys like me, who throw on a video to have a wank the odd time and never let it affect our sex lives and certainly would never use it as a substitute for a real woman like you.
OP your "should be" ex is in a minority of porn users, a true addict and a complete idiot. Most of us see nothing in porn that compares to you and would never need it to find you attractive, nor get turned on by, we view it as tool to get off quick when you're not around or when sex is not on the cards anyway. Like the last time I watched it was about 3 weeks ago, my girlfriend was already at work and I had to be in work in about and hour, so instead of laying there for 5-10 minutes using my imagination I threw on a random video popped one out in under a minute, had my shower and went to work for the day.
That's typical of most porn users really.
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A
female
reader, haslar123 +, writes (7 April 2012):
haslar123 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi I wrote the last post but had not logged in so see below and thanks
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2012): Hi all, thanks for your replies, it has given me food for thought! Life changes are so big, I am now thinking I did not have the right to tell him to stop as he clearly did not want to. It may just be that he is not the one for me? Are all men in to porn, am I just a niave old lady?x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2012): Sorry me again something ive learnt is if its not porn its either a real woman, "female friends", talking about other women infront if you. Never once met a man 100% in a relationship like i am.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2012): With my first boyfriend it took months of pestering before he would delete it and this guy kept saying how he loved me yet he still did what he knew i didn't like, masturbating to other people. My current boyfriend is similiar lovely to your face, back turned - porn. One thing i learnt if its not porn its someth
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (2 April 2012):
 I am fine with porn and with my man watching porn. IF my partner said to me “you only make me reasonably happy” I would tell him that he needed to be gone. That I’m not good enough for him so we are done.
If you threw his porn out, he did not own the promise to not use porn. He just made it to get you back. It’s like quitting smoking. A person has to quit for themselves. If you quit FOR someone else, the minute they are gone from your life you will go back to smoking…. He did not own the ending of the porn watching… he just gave you lip service to appease you.
If I was with a man that gave me no affection or love or support I would not tolerate it. I am with a man who watches porn but yet comes to bed most nights and wakes me for adult activity time…. Who is emotionally attached to me… who wants to cuddle me and kiss me an snuggle on the couch and watch TV… if all of these things were gone and all he wanted was porn… he’d be gone.
We look at other women together. I even point out cute pretty young things for him as I am much older than he is and want him to have his eye candy…. But I am never asked to discuss them in our bedroom… in fact, our rule is NO computers, and no other people in OUR bedroom…. That includes talking fantasy during lovemaking… We talk about it outside of the bedroom however….
He said to you “IF he does not have porn he will continue to look at other women….” That’s BLACKMAIL and in my opinion it’s a perfect opening for you to say “feel free to look at porn in your own home… feel free to make another home your home and feel free to find a woman willing to take your emotional blackmail and abuse I’m done with you and with us”. Betting he will backpedal and make promises etc….. do NOT believe him.
I don’t have an issue with PORN. I have an issue with folks that use porn to exclude others from their life and this man is doing that to you.
I think it's done with him honey... hard as that may be to accept and believe... YOU deserve better.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2012): I would dump this guy immediately i don't agree with any porn in a relationship, it's stupid to get pleasure from strangers when you have a real person to get off on.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2012): It sounds like he has an addiction with porn to do it to the point where you have no sex life and would choose it over your partner is addiction. I had a bf who was addicted it made me feel horrible he would look at it w him mother and brother in the room all hours of the night and day at school just constantly. I doubt if ur partners that bad but it doesnt get easier if you stay. And saying hes going to look at other women if he cant have it? Thats where you draw the line. I very much agree with cerberus. You told him you would leave if he watched porn so now you need to make good on your word.
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2012): OP you made your conditions for taking him back pretty clear, you can't let him weasel out of that now with his soppy "I miss porn" bullshit.
And now he's also saying without porn he's just going to look at other women? That's emotional blackmail OP.
To top that all off you have no sex life, what exactly does he bring to the relationship then OP?
Don't let this relationship reach 8 years. He had his chance, and he simply can't be in a relationship with only you, that to be sexually aroused he has to think of other women or watch other women.
He's blown his chance, he doesn't deserve another. Pack up your stuff and go.
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2012): haslar123 you are a mature woman and you are ALLOWING this man to treat you like a piece of dirt whose only real value is as a supplement to his porn.Are you prepared to be second best to a "wank" mag? Sorry to be so crude, but his behaviour and your acceptance of it, are simply astounding to me. He will look at other women if you don't agree to him having porn - are you kidding me? This man doesn't love you and has all the emotional depth of a splinter! Leave him to his porn.There are lots of loving, emotionally available, sensitive men out there - why would you settle for this masturbation robot?
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