A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I met my boyfriend at a club event i attend every month, he and i hit it off and since he was from out of state and didnt know anyone i introduced him to my friends, he socializes mostly with a couple i introduced him too, and hes becoming good friends with the guy. Only problem is, my 2 friends broke up for a few months period of time and i slept with the guy one day when we hungout, we clarified to each other it was a one time spare of the moment thing "what happens in vegas stays in vegas" type deal. Anywho after that night things went back to normal shrugged it off and its like nothing ever happened. He was the last guy i slept with before i dated my current bf, and i wanted to know should i tell him before he asks who was the last guy? or should i wait until he asks? , but i feel like if i wait he might feel more uneasy about it that i didnt mention it before. On top of that no one else is suppose to know but i feel obligated because i love him and want him to know.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2012): The answer to this is completely straightforward. The circumstances of your case don't change it or complicate the basic principle at all:
You have slept with one of your BF's friends = he needs to be told about it immediately.
A
male
reader, Capri2  +, writes (19 January 2012):
Your messages is a little confusing in the first lines. But I understand that your current boyfriend is interacting (or maybe starting a friendship) with the lust guy you slept with. Who is your friend also.
Well, I think it would be very unfair you let your boyfriend befriends with a guy you have sex with. And not telling him that piece of information. It's even a little pervert idea.
You have to tell him, because a lot of guys wouldn't like the idea of being friend of his partner's sex buddy.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2012): Anything that is likely to be awkward between you is best discussed early on, before you get to involved and find that it becomes a deal breaker.
YOU might worry about this, and find that he doesn't care in the least, and that will impair your relationship.
Before we met, my wife had a secret relationship with a colleague of mine, at the time he didn't want anyone to know about it and frankly was more likely than not just using her to reassert his manhood after his wife left him for someone else. All this happened well before she met me, was long over by the time she and I met in a totally separate venue. She was ashamed of this relationship and how it developed and ended. Bluntly, he was an asshole, is an asshole, and always will be an asshole...separate from the relationship with my wife.
She thought that I'd have nothing to do with her if I found out about this relationship, and we lived here for many years, as the year went on she became more afraid that I'd find out about this. Paranoid truly, although this is someone I interact with several times a year and see around town.
Truth is, when she told me, I was surprised, but certainly don't think less of her...all that worry was for nothing.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2012): OP, this is why it is generally a bad idea to hook up with friends. Now you've got a new romantic interest who has become friends with a guy you have some history with, making the whole situation uncomfortable. The new guy is clueless and you rightly feel obligated to change the situation in some way.Is it better to keep it a secret? Maybe the truth will never come out, although you might not be able to handle the guilt. If the truth does eventually come out it will probably be a big issue, though. Is it better to be open about it and risk losing the new guy? It isn't like your friend is an ex, it was a casual hook up. That kind of thing can change how a guy views you (I'm not going to address whether that is fair or not, it just is). Saying you had sex with your male friend one time isn't likely to impress your new love. Or do you drop your friend because you think the new guy is worth it? It's always tough letting go of a good friend.If it were me, I think I would accept that sex does change a friendship, and that even though things have been the same with your friend... they will never truly be the same. So I would stop associating with that friend, and at some point in the future if "why" he's no longer your friend comes up, you can explain that there was some history there and you felt it necessary to move on. Really, whether it is this guy or the next one... the same issue will be there as long as you have a male friend you've slept with. It's time to end the friendship. It really ended when you hooked up, it is just that neither of you have accepted or acknowledged the fact yet.
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