Been in love with this woman for 19 years and I still don't have her!

A male age 51-59, *opelesslyinlove49 writes:

Help I have been in love with a women for 19yrs. It was love at first sight but I was involved with someone and she ended up with a good friend of mine.The four of us hung now and then we both always got accused of wanting the other one. Nothing ever happened between us until about a year had passed since she ended thing with my friend and I been single for about 6mths or so. We ran into each other by chance, we didnt have each others #'s it was 91 cell phones where way expensive.We became hot and heavy with each other almost right away. It ended a life long friendship for me. I broke the ultimate guy rule.A lot of other friends stopped talking to me started talking behind me! It didnt matter because all I wanted was her.After about six months things betweens us came to end. There is a nine year age differnce and i was in my early 20's so it was my fault. Even so my heart was broken and not long after it ened I ran off to key west. It didnt matter I lived in paradise for a year met a few other girls but couldn't get over her. I moved back home. I never called her or anything. i can remember sitting in traffic one day on 95 in a car she didn't reconize and she passed me and my heart stopped, i mean i alomost couldnt catch my breath. I didn't do anything and about a year later i ran in to her at a halloween party. after a few min. of catching up she introduced me to her husband. I remeber seeing black it hurt so much. We stayed in touch and would get together now and then for lunch nothing ever happened other than I want sooo bad. I do want to say I have morals and never in a million years would have thought I would want a married women but my feelings were/are so strong that I didn't care. after about a 8 or 9 months things came to end with her husband not because of me. I jumped at my chance. I wined her dined her did what I thought were all the right things. at the time I had job that had me on call all the time and required alot of entertaining clients. I was living the ultimate party lifestyle. I impressed alot of women doing that, my mistake wasthe one I was trying to impress was turned of by all that crap. I lost her before I really even got her back. then I used my connections to track her new bf down and went to his house and threatened his life. It didn't work They got married about a year later he is a police officer now (isnt my luck great). I got out of the business I was in and took the cash and ran back to Fl and purchased a water front company. It lasted 3yrs before difaculties and porr choices forced thing to end. I did date another women while in FL with the same name, I like her but when things crashed I honestly don't even remember telling her I was leaving. I went back home. I was only in town for a few weeks when she pulled up beside me at a traffic light again my heart stopped. She had a feeling but didnt know it was me. the car had limo tint and FL registration and wasnt a car she had seen before. I couldnt stand it I email her and the next day we were at lunch. I sit down with her and we pick up as if we had seen each other a few days agoa nd not afew years.Then she hit me with it she was married to the guy i wnt after. I didnt care I kept in touch with her just in case there was a chance. I even cofessed my love for her and asked her to leave him for me I wanted her. She told me she was in love with her husband and wouldnt do that.I tried to move I met and spent time with another women about 8mths or so. We always stayed in touch mostly by email and then one dat she asked to meet for luch I jumped at the chance oonly to fing out she was pregnet. It killed me but I stayed in touch with her because I couldnt bare not to know how she was. After she had the baby she went through a rough time wheich I helped her through. Several times she even came to my house with the new baby. If her her husband knew any of this divorce would have been the best outcome.I rmember on day she came down to my place we hung out even went out to lunch like we were a family, when she left I broke down I couldnt eat sleep, I didnt care about anything lost the other women over it.Not long after that I was offered a job back in FL I jumped at the chance hoping a thousand miles would make a differnce. It did I still always stayed in touch with her via email but not as often as before. I met someone things were ok. The party life caught up with me I got in some trouble nothing major dui crap which when you live in the comuniest confederate states of america known as the sout they trie to give you the electric chair for having a few to many beers!!!! In the mean time her marrige fell apart punk ass cop cheated on her she forgave the first time but when he did it again she got rid of him. An ugly divorce and custody battle went on for two yrs with billy bad ass cop doing what most cops do. I was there for every step of the way hours on the phone countless emails and flights back north. I didnt more than a day with out talking to her for almost two years. I fell for her all over again. i cofessed my love for and my plan to move back home. She siad she wasnt ready for a relationship and wanted to take thing slow ect. I back off for a while we didnt talk and then another problem came up and she called me. The deperation in voice was so great that I couldnt stand it. I calmed her down and what i could to resolve the issue, just some gov. stuff billy bad cop jamed up and pushed through at the court house months before any normal person could. We were able to shut his ass down and he got a tenth of what he thought he was going to get lol. Since then i thought things had rekindled between us, we talked about seeing each other. she wants to take things slow and doesnt want me to push. she says she is an emotional wreck.I just moved back to town last week and she has avaided seeing me. We had a 4hr phone conversation the ohter night. she says she doesnt feel that she can give me what i want because, while she does love me here feelings of love are not as intense/strong as mine. She still is open to spending time together but doesnt want anything more. I told her i dont think I can I can torture myself anymore and that Im torn between what feels worse, walking away and not being in touch with her or seeing now and then knowing shes dating others. As I type this I think they both hurt about the same. I almost hung up the phone on her but I couldnt do it. she says I've put her in a posistion where im forcing her to move forward in a releationship or loose her best friend. my response was you are killing your best friend slowly.Im suppose to have lunch with her on monday bcause she has her kid this weekend and we have plans to hang out next Saturday. Now that I given most of the back ground, my question is: do i have a chance in hell with this women? what can I do to win her heart back? how long to I spend time with her to see if she comes around? I know i stink of desperation, in a million years i would never let this happen with anyone else I become this skirt boy wimp with this womenand she is the only one that brings it out in me. Im so confused. I plot out everything I do say ti/with her Im so scared im going to do or say the wrong thing and try so hard to make her happy and nothing ever sems to work. any advice other than im an idiot or here is how to move on would be good. I kno what do do to get rid of her and forget ive already seen a shrink he didnt have any answers. I dont wnat to get away from her I want it work. help.

View related questions: best friend, divorce, move on

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