A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I feel like theres something seriously wrong with me, I see people have break ups and afew months later they're happy again and some have even got into another relationship. But not me. I've been in love with a close friend for 5 years.I'm not someone that goes out looking for guys or has bfs alot as its never been something thats appealed to me, I have to really know the guy to feel anything and even be friends first.Its not all that plain and simple though. Ever since I met him there were hints that he liked me, however half of them didn't have a positive affect but infact very negative, like he barely spoke to me, couldn't treat me like a proper friend etc. Even after fall outs he acted like he didn't care and carried on, but I found out he did care. All he said when I confronted him as to why he doesn't make the effort with me like he does others was "you know I'm shy" ... yet he is ONLY shy with me!That aside we got together last year, it wasn't a proper relationship but more of seeing each other. Except when I did see him he was very shy, like he'd sit there nudging me if he wanted to hold my hand and you could tell he wasn't at all confident. It ended as he found another girl he liked and said me and him wasn't what he wanted, who happened to be long distance. Obviously that caused arguments but at one point he finally cracked and said that I don;t realise how much he still thinks about me and cares, Maybe because he never showed it? But even so he still wanted her. And he was being deadly genuine when he said that. People put it down to he got scared, after all he was never confident and judging by our past 4 years he'd never been able to talk to me like he did other friends. Infact, even in todays situation people still say thats the only thing that could possibly make sense. I say hes a close friend now, he always has been but we definately never acted close before hand due to his actions ever since I've known him.He never had problems talking to this other girl, but recently hes got a new gf and its killing me. I admit I will never be alright with the fact hes happy with another girl, but I know theres nothing I can do so obviously I won't let it affect our friendship. Hurts even more that shes not in the slightest bit attractive, shes only 17, he's 23 and shes not the most pleasent person either. He used to have strict beliefs espeically about sex, however thats definately going out the window as if she wants it he won't say no, because the truth is hes been laughed at for it in the past so he doesn't care anymore.When we fell out I tried cutting him out my life, which worked for about 5 weeks but I was driving myself mad. I missed the fun we had, the laughs, the fact we have exactlly the same personality, sense of humor and interests. Trust me w're so similar. Which is another reason I don't get why I can make him happy. However whenever in the past we have tried to sort our friendship out he keeps bringing me and him into the equation and saying he just see's me as a friend, which I know, he doesn't need to keep bringing it up. He doesn't need to say it yet he still does, just out of nowhere. I really hope them two don't last but I can't live my life in hope. I need to get over him but hes my friend. I told him when we made up I don't want him to be shy with me anymore and he has started talking back to me abit more. I'm glad we get on so well but in the same respect it hurts. Hes the only guy I've ever loved and who I've ever really related to as a friend. We get on so well and I want to enjoy it rather than being depressed all the time because he's literally all i think about, and when I go out I always wish he was there. I admit I'll never like him having a gf, and I would do all I could to get him back but I know it wouldn't work. I just need to get over him but I don't know how!! I just want all these feelings to go away! Please can you offer me some advice?
View related questions:
best friend, depressed, long distance, shy Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Jia +, writes (12 August 2012):
 Hi hun!
I feel for you, I really do. I've been there, believe me! Except you're better off because it's taken you 5 years to realize this whereas it took me 7 (SEVEN!) years to realize and come to grips with the situation.
Hun, if he's going to be the way he is then you have to acknowledge it and move on. There are other guys out there, guys I'm sure will be more than happy to be your bf and give you all of the love and attention you deserve.
You don't have to get rid of him as a friend. I admit, it would make things easier, but life's never easy. Just try to distance yourself from him; you can still be close, just try to think about him in a different light. For example, if you guys are eating together, look at him and try to think of him as a brother or someone who would not interest you in that way. It takes time, but you'll learn how to do this so that eventually it will be second nature to you. Above all, remember that while you may still love him, you can no longer be IN love with him because you'll end up being hurt.
Get out there, try to talk to ppl and be happy! I know it's not easy, it never is, but you're only hurting yourself if you don't let yourself be open to the possibilities and let yourself love again.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2012): I think you're both scared of each other. You love(d) each other to bits but were terrified of showing it in case you lost it by doing something silly. Certainly his behaviour shows that. Two things are possible:
1. He's moved on, been grateful for the great experience he had from you, and it's stood him in good stead for his next relationship.
2. He hasn't moved on and is using this other girl (nothing to lose with her, hence his ease) to see what your reaction is.
I can't help any further but I have the greastest of sympathy for you.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2012): Sorry but I got lost in the details, but if I get you correctly, you say that you have always been in love with a guy you had a, I guess, platonic relationship with for over 5 years right? In those 5 years you both attempted to have a, I guess, love relationship but it didn't work out because he didn't take the lead. That frustrated you & made you very upset with him, but you cannot bring yourself to hate him because you're so madly in love with him. Now that he has found someone that, I guess, he's happy with, you cannot move on now. Can I ask a question? What's so special about him that you're so hung up over his love?
...............................
A
female
reader, Atsweet1  +, writes (7 August 2012):
 Alot of friends can turn out to be lovers I had a friend we got sexually envolved he not my type so we can be friends or nothing cause he not acceptable for me to choose as a lifelong partner it sucks to cause i liked a person liked that but they only wanted friendship also you could try to find out why they only wants to be friends then go from there
...............................
|
