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male
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anonymous
writes: I recently told my wife that I fantasized about seeing her having sex with antoher guy while I just watched. Now that old saying, be careful of what you ask for as it might come true, has come true. She found a guy she both likes, is attracted to, will do this and is moving far away in a few weeks. Sounds perfectright... but I'm still nervous about the unknown variable and what this might do to our relationship. We both seemed to be very excited about this and are very much in love, stable but I am still cautious. Any advice? Male or female. Thanks. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, beentheredonethat +, writes (8 December 2006):
 I am very glad you have had a successful encounter.....i am delighted that you have realized exactly what i HAVE been talking about. it gives you an entirely new world if you can make that break from "what will the neighbors think."
Now continue to nurture the relationship.....Dwell on the fact that you guys are so TRUELY IN LOVE that you have actually put the other in front of you and been rewarded for it. Cherish the trust and the relationship and you will have found a new place that others will not understand....don't be offended when they think your insane. Just let them live their lives stuck in the control of history and society and enjoy what your have found....it makes life much shorter....your having fun!
Best wishes.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSorry it took so long to respond but if anyone happens to see this maybe it will help others like myself. First of all, thank you beentheredonethat, I did go ahead with my fantasy and believe it or not, it turned out better than I could ever have wildly imagined. I know there will be skeptics but frankly I don't give a damn. We had 2 encounters since my last post and it was a truly mind boggling, most incredibl experience I've ever had and my marriage/relationship has never been better. Our honesty, intensity and openess has just taken off to new heights. The experience of my first 3 sum was healthy, trusting and mind opening. To see my beautiful wife in sheer ectasy with my total permission/support and then making love to her later was unexplainable. Our love life has improved immensly since. She has no desire to repeat with the other guy but we all remain good friends. If nothing ever happens again, we are both satisfied but the opportunities of more safe, honest, open fun is now unlimited. It's just excited thinking about it. I don't think any less of my wife but actually more and she of me. She is now open to me trying it with another woman and I am still on the fence about this but who knows, it's out there and titilating just to think about it. I hope there are others out there that are brave enough and responsible enough to try to break out of pre-concevied boundaries of what our society claims is right or wrong and go beyond their boring ever day existences.
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female
reader, beentheredonethat +, writes (13 October 2006):
Your right...you need someone who plays to answer that question.
Can this situation Be successful. It can be fun and charming and the most fun you have ever had...If you can make that jump past....Regret and Jealous.
Take your time with this decision...All of you should Meet...with no strings or expectations and calmly discuss exactly what rules you could all be comfortable with. the Idea here is to have a fantastic time allowing NOBODY to feel left out...have hurt feelings...feel used...or suddenly Wish this had never happened.
You and your wife have to be in a place of trust...Do you trust her to feel exactly the same about you afterwards...or love you more? Do you Know in your heart that seeing her with another man will not make you feel like she is less than she is now. (It is always a bit of a shock to see that your spouse can enjoy sex with someone else pretty much exactly like she or he does with you.)
Now if you read my Bio...you will see that I have the most wonderful husband in the world...I also have the most wonderful boyfriend in the world who is his best friend...they are both masters in the bedroom and we all went to great lengths to hash out any and all possibilities that could cause any form of hurt feelings BEFORE anything ever took place. We have had threesomes and I also see him alone and My husband teases him about which one of us is really his best friend and yet every single time that he comes to visit and hubby is away for work...He calls ahead of time and afterwards just to make sure that His little Buddie is not feeling left out.
I have another boyfriend who is just the most wonderful man and He has a Brother that he wanted to include in our fun...once again we all openly discussed our wishes rules and expectations and everything worked out fine. (we talked about it for over a year before we acted on it...patience is the key...don't be in such a hurry you miss something obvious)
But don't think for a second we have not had some major bumps in the road. Boyfriend 2 is very protective of me...and can be a dangerous component. He and my husband were very much at odds for some time...they have finally made their peace and realised that they can both look out for my best interest in different ways without it being a competition...they both have my loyalty and affection and we are planning a threesome eventually. The two boyfriends are another element. They each have other girlfriends...AND YES I am the QUEEN of SAFE SEX and would not play with any of them in any other way.
Now if you add all the permutations of my husbands girlfriends into the mix...It can get just as complex as you want it to. We are comfortable with this though other people DO NOT understand AT ALL.
Did we start out this way....heavens no. We made some Big mistakes....tried to hook up with a couple who were friends with and they were experienced SWINGERS....Ha. She was proficient...He was an absolute Dope and I simply was mortified that he had the skill level of zilch...and was a braggy little monster afterward. I still won't speak to him.
Another guy and I were fine together...he was a long time friend with both of us and a player...I adored him and we had fun together...but whenever we all planned something...he got cold feet and stood us up. He loved talking about...but doing was just too much for him. He's still our friend...but as far an In our bubble...had to let him go.
When it comes to this...you must trust YOUR instincts...AND your Wife's...AND Any other partner. If nothing happens...It is fine. Because if your soo excited and Push or jump in with out looking carefully...somebody will go splat and it can all blow up in your face.
Now about the moral implications. what consenting adults do in their own home sexually is their business provided nobody is being harmed or victimised. If there are children around....You must be very careful and it is simply not appropriate for this to take place if the kids are in the building. Send them to grandma...or better get a sitter and then go to a motel. This is not fuel for any fight ever....no matter what. And last of all....only you can decide if this is the right path for you. Don't expect everyone to view your activity as OK...they will think its gross at the very least and just can't fathom why this would be considered fun by anyone. They are in a different place...and how they feel is fine. But don't let guilt creep up on you afterward....It is something worth trying if you want to. If you have any doubts...wait. I hope that helps you some. best of luck
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI honestly do appreciate the responses I've gotten. I think they were sincere and an honest attempt at warning us of the pitfalls BUT I honestly have to ask, who that responded has any experience with the situation I presented or even close to this experience? It's kind of like asking someone to review a movie that they've never even sean because it was against their morals, just heard about from a few random comments that is was morally "bad". I'm dissapointed and will do what my heart tells me. Of course, i've been carefull with the obvios and neither I or the guy are bi or gay, have diseases etc. etc etc.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2006): When "another guy" finishes with your wife, might she then request that he does you so that she can watch? And if she does, are you game?
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A
female
reader, Rainchild +, writes (9 October 2006):
When it becomes a reality it is no longer a fantasy. You will never stop fantasizing so where does it end? Have you considered vidio taping you and your wife and watching that?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2006): Is this guy STD free? You can't be certain he is, can you (well, I guess it doesn't matter if you and your wife are already infected). Ever play Russian roulette with an autoloader, or haven't you thought of it yet? Don't forget to get it on video. Just remember: the screwing will have to precede the shooting (if you're gonna get to see it).
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 October 2006): I think this is a very bad idea, any time you enter another person into your intimate relationship it just takes away from it instead of adding to it, triangulation is not a way to build intimacy, trust, love in a relationship, and quite frankly I think the whole idea is infantile when you think about it...it has no place in a mature loving real love relationship....if your sex life is getting boring, find a way to spice it up by turning towards each other instead of away from with another guy even if he will be out of the picture in a few weeks. I think when there is more than one male in the room having sex, it is a homosexual act or it is about shades of homosexuality...maybe you should examine that about yourself first before putting your wife through performing in front of you like a porno star.
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