A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi all, does anybody have any ideas where to find decent men, i come from the midlands and have not got a clue where they are hiding. Im at that age now that i want to get into a proper relationship now I have tried internet dating but its not for me nor speed dating. I made the old mistake of pubs, clubs and bars but you cannot meet potential long term partners in them kinds of places
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 April 2007): Hi I can confirm that im the creater of this question. To answer a couple of questions, yeah I have had relationships one of them was for nearly ten years and ended very badly about seven years ago. Its not that I dont like men im definately not gay its because that every man I have been out with since my long term ex (and including him) have treated me badly and thats why I asked where the decent men are. My last ex within 6 weeks of splitting up with him was sniffing round my best mate. It sort of disheartens me. As for mates fixing me up one had tried and failed and my other friends have no single male friends as I have tried that one.
Anyway thanks everybody for your great advise. I will give some of the tips ago.
Thanks x
A
male
reader, kenny +, writes (18 April 2007):
 Your right you can't meet potential dating partners in bars and clubs, mainly becuse they are alcohol fueled places.
Maybe you should do and evening class, get a hobby you enjoy.
I find by going to gym after work is a great social things where you meet lots of different people.
There are lots of nice guy's out there for you, and you will more that likely find them when you are not looking, or least expect it.
Good luck x
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A
female
reader, chachacha +, writes (18 April 2007):
You must have some friends? Why don't you ask your friends if they know any single men that they think you might get on with.
I don't know why internet dating is not for you - you've kind of just swept it aside - but it does give the opportunity to meet many many people and search for specific criteria - so what's wrong with it?
Try something which you're interested in, where you can have fun, and maybe you might meet some new friends and maybe a romantic interest at the same time - like join a rambling club, or a running club, or go to an evening class, or join a choir, take up some voluntary work, etc. Widen your circle of interest.
But also have a think about why you want this - it sounds a little like you're in some formula - "oh I'm 30, I'd better have a relationship". Relationships aren't something you can just order, they happen by chance. It sounds like you haven't been in one, so you might not even like it!
There is also something in your question about "decent men" and "where are they all hiding?" - if you're 30, have you never met a "decent man"? If not, why not? Are none of the many men you meet every day good enough for you? Perhaps you don't actually like men, but that's never crossed your mind? There could be alsorts of things going on for you here. Have a deep soul search about it, and it could pay dividends.
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A
female
reader, mexico36 +, writes (18 April 2007):
Dont give up on the Internet dating, you really can meet someone this way.
I am a single mother and I met my partner 1.5 years ago. My son and I now live with my partner and we are engaged to be married.
The trick is not give too much away about yourself to start with but enough to get men's interest, dont go mad on the 'dislikes' section and dont show desperation (this includes only putting 1 or 2 pictures of yourself on the site) - show you have a sense of humour.
I also think you can tell a lot about a person by what they say to you, so if they appear to be boring, big-headed or just completely wrapped up in themselves, give them a wide berth.
I dont know how long you have tried internet dating but someone will come along when you least expect it.
Best of luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2007): I agree wiv xxxsoulsistaxxx,u won't find the man of ur dreams if u look 4 him he will just come 2 u in time!hope this helps!x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2007): The truth is Hun,
You really could meet your potential long-term partner anywhere its fine for you to
Shop around though maybe Bars or clubs haven’t worked because at the end of the day you need to think about your confidence and maybe flirting techniques,
I do truly believe if us girls stay ready for the kill, Lol! We can truly find love its all trial and error though, At the moment I’m having fun testing the water I truly think its good to have a few Different men to date sometimes things are going to go wrong,
but I like to think if they where the right one’s less would go wrong and it would be easier and everything would fall into place I believe love is a bit of a spiritual thing
so its true if you look you might not Find, leave love to find you but just be ready for when it arrives stay calm don’t get desperate,
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A
female
reader, xxxsoulsistaxxx +, writes (18 April 2007):
 I don't think you ever find what you want when you're looking. Don't be that woman who's constantly looking for someone because you only end up hurt because you're closed to reality, you're so desperate for this to happen for you. I feel your pain, you feel you should be settled at your age but that doesn't happen for everyone.
The people you meet in bars or on dating sites are usually not in it for what you are: they usually just want sex or something casual. If you don't want this, don't compromise on what you do want.
Instrad of trying to meet guys all the time, why not meet some new friends by getting out there and doing new things? This way, you'll be busy and have company and you'll be going to new places where you may meet some men you like. Don't spend your time looking for men, it will only end in tears. Have fun and enjoy your life, who says by 35 you have to be settled? It's 2007, get out there and have some fun and let Mr Right find you.
Good luck
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