A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hello, I dated a girl for 16 months in what was an extremely rocky relationship. In our best times together (which was about 20% of the time), she was the perfect girl I always dreamed of. Great personality, similar interests, funny, gorgeous, caring, loving and absolutely gorgeous. During those times, we absolutely loved being around eachother and we were both on top of the moon. However, most of the time, the relationship was toxic due to her very difficult past. We suffered 4 breakups because of her lies, attempted manipulations, negativity and disrespect. Each time, we'll break up, she would cry and plead with me to take her back. And each time, beacuse of my deep love for her, I did just that. She would say that she has never dated someone like me that was stable and good to her, that she needed time to learn about how to be in a great relationship. Right before we got back together the last time, she vowed to change for good this time and to never lie to me again. She said that she can't lose me as it puts her in deep depression and that we were soulmates. It only took 1 week for me to discover another big lie (she wasn't cheating but constantly lying). At that time, I decided to cut the cord for good. I didnt think i would be capable but I found the strength to stand by my convictions despite her numerous pleadings. That period was very hard on me, I was very sad and very depressed. During her best times, she was everything i wanted in a woman. I was lost and disoriented for about 3 months and I totally lucked out in meeting another girl (I am not good at all at approaching females). The relationship was the total opposite of my previous one. We got along great, respected each other and started to be truly happy. I was so excited to have feelings for another girl after the severe depression i went through. After 2 months of dating, one morning, I woke up and she was gone without a word. I called and she said she needed some time to herself to sort things out. After a week, she called to say that she was coming by to pick up her stuff and that she was leaving out of town to be with her ailing father. I understood and dropped her off at the airport. I tried to keep contact but her text messages were sporadic at best. A few months later, I got a text from a guy out of state saying that he has been dating her for 2 years and that she was cheating on him with me. He knew every single detail, what we talked about, where we went, when and how we had sex. And he said he still took her back and they are now back together. That was a huge blow for me. I was very courteous to him but he found it necessary to disparage me and send me pics off them sending together. I saw 1 and started automatically deleting all his messages. Now, I am sick to my stomach, very depressed. I lost total confidence and I even feel my soul was taken away. I am very hurt, can't sleep and that pic of them enjoying each other is engraved on my mind and I have constant tears in my eyes. They are back together for good. I also heard the 1st girl immediately found somebody after the breakup and they are now planning to be engaged.So both girls seem to be happy while I am here sulking and devastated with a shattered confidence and self esteem. I am the one that went into these relationships with the best of intentions but I am the one suffering the pain.Sorry for the long message but any advice on how to cope with this would be appreciated.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2013): I'm so sorry you're in such pain, you sound like a very nice and caring and trusting guy. Don't envy those 2 women or their new partners. Think about it. The guy who's engaged to the first girl - what is he in for!! He's got lies and lies to discover yet!! The guy who took back the second girl - he knows she cheated on him, that is weighing on his mind, it always will. He even knows the details of when and how you and her slept together, I can guarantee those details are burning into his mind making him insecure. I am willing to bet none of those 2 new relationships are going to last more than a couple years.
consider yourself as having been saved from two disastrous relationships had they gone on for longer.
A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (12 August 2013):
If it makes you feel any better, you didn't really lose much but a couple of lying, psycho, b-words. Next time, try not to ignore the obvious signs and leave when it's apparent you're not with someone that's relationship material.
Also, those two are just as miserable as you are. The guy who's engaged to the first girl is in for a world of hurt if she even bothers to follow through. The second girl is obviously not happy either or she wouldn't have been dating you while supposedly in another relationship.
There are a few billion women in this planet, many of which AREN'T crazy. Get over your current heartbreak and go find one.
Also, no offense, but you seem pretty melodramatic. If that's the case you may be taking things too quickly with these women. Spend more time getting to know them before falling for them. If they seem to fall in love at the drop of a hat, let that be a warning sign.
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