A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've been with my boyfriend for almost 4 years and for the first 3 1/2 years everyhting was great. 8 months ago his dad died suddenly and he moved home to be with his mum. Since then things have been falling apart. We hardly see each other, partly because of work schedules, but also because he is very reluctant to leave his mum on her own. She is very needy, and I feel that sometimes she is very demanding. On a number of occasions he's had to leave because she's phoned up in tears. A couple of times shes made a fuss about him going out, and they both came to the restaurant where we were going for dinner. I ended up feeling like i'd gatecrashed their evening rather than the other way round. I love him, and he says he loves me, but lately we keep fighting all the time. Part of this is my fault because I'm more irritable than usual, and we aren't seeing each other that much. I'm trying to be understanding and I know that after his dad died there's a lot of things that he isn't sure about. How long can I expect this to last? I feel like I could handle it for another 6 months say, but not 6 years. Does anyone have any advice? What should I be doing differently? I don't want to finish things, but I don't want to be his last priority for ever. Thanks Reply to this Question
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female
reader, BunnyTee  +, writes (28 May 2010):
 Sounds to me like your guy's mother is trying to compete with you over who he's more devoted to: you or her. It could be that mom feels left alone and abandoned by her husband's death and she's compensating for this by keeping a strong hold on her son.
I think the fact that she's accompanying him on dinner dates supports my theory. That's just kinda weird. Mom probably sees you as direct competition for all she has left.
The odds are in your favor because mom is reaping the benefits of only so much attention. She can't give him the attention you can have to offer him. Well, she could but...no, not that road.
I think the choice is purely your own. You could tell him that you're willing to try and be as patient as possible while he gets his mother sorted out, and that you recognize that she makes alot of demands on his time OR you could tell him that the apron strings must be cut, you come first (I'm very anti-momma's boy, so I'm biased, here) Either way, I think it'll be a tough stretch. You run the risk of appearing just as selfish as his mother on either count. A middle of the road approach may behoove you. Perhaps give consideration to each response you get here and take your best shot. Good luck.
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