A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My guy and I have been dating about 8 months and the last couple have been a bit intense with disagreements. I'm 38 and hes 45. We both have been married before and its just some things at his age I think he should know by now. If I don't call him on certain behavior...he will continue. Example: He was out of work a few months and I helped him out financially. When he started working again, after a couple of month, he didn't offer me anything....so I had to bring it up for discussion. After several arguements...he finally began contributing fiancially. Common sense says to me.....you know you can't be in this relationship with me and think your going to contribute the bare minimum. Now he says I'm controlling and have trust issues. Well....after you have lied about very significant topics...such as being married once.....but I find out later it was 3 times.... and a handful of other stupid petty things....I might be justified for having very little trust. last night he said he was going to hang out with his brother for a couple of hours. He called when he got to his brothers house. Fine....my issue is....he stayed waaaaaaay longer than a couple of hours......7 hours to be exact ( 6pm - 1am) and I feel that he should have called if he was going to be longer than what he said in the beginning.He says that I don't trust him.....but I say, its common courtesy to call and say " Hey sweetie, I'm still at my brother, but I see u shortly". No he has not done this before, however, if not addressed...HE WILL DO IT AGAIN! Am I being controlling??? Is it wrong to expect some common courstesy??? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (29 January 2012):
 Well, if the guy has been married 3 times already (and divorced) maybe part of the reason he got divorced wasn't because the women he married were bad, but because he was and still is unreliable?
He doesn't sound like a man in his 40's honestly, but more like some teenager. I agree wholeheartedly with you that the things you bring up he SHOULD know by now. Maybe he does but just doesn't care?
As for hanging out with his brother and that issue. Well, if he said I'll be home at xx o'clock and be a no show for hours I would be a little annoyed, but I would just simply tell him, that it would be nice next time if he could pick up his phone and let you know it's going to be longer. On the other hand, you are not his mom, and I do think he can spend time with his brother without having to call in/check in, unless you two had made plans. That might just be me personally. Though if he knows you are expecting him for (let's say) dinner and he doesn't show up til 1 am, that is just thoughtless.
I agree fully with the other two aunties, why are you putting up with this man?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you ladies for your feedback. My goal in this relationship is not to jump the gun.....because of what may have happened in my marriage. I am a business woman & quite sharp & aggressive. My marriage lasted 10 years & I was caught so off guard, when I found out it was infidelity. So now, I know nobody is perfect....so I find myself....NOT TRYING TO MISS ANYTHING....with this relationship, but am I jumping the gun?
He has some great qualities...and yes....I don't hold my tongue much. I am trying to give the benefit of the doubt on things, because I have made mistakes as well. However, I am trying to give both of us an opprtunity to grow in this relationship.
He's a cop & doesn't take well to being told what to do...especially by me, but he does come around...and eventually do exactly what I ask of him. I'm just irritated that I have to "Make" him comply. And when its all said & done...he agrees....that I was right. Is this normally stuff that we r experiencing or what?
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (29 January 2012):
 As a woman who has been with a liar I can tell you that you will NEVER trust him. I never could trust my now ex husband because he lied over and over and over again... even after he tried to stop for a while he still could not be trusted... and it turned out I was right.as for staying with his brother.... maybe they lost track of time? I do think that's a bit much..but like perhapsnot said "are you happy?"yes every relationship and every person has down points...does the good outweigh the bad?do the pros outweigh the cons?every person has to make the decision of what they will and will not accept... I don't see you as controlling but then I'm not the one you are needing things from.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2012): You cant' expect a narcissist to behave like an HONEST, LOVING, HEALTHY Man.Turf him. They cannot be 'fixed' no matter if they seek counselling or not.Think its worth it?
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A
female
reader, PerhapsNot +, writes (29 January 2012):
 After the divorce, wasn't your goal to be happy? If so, why are you with this man? You being controlling or not is not the problem. The real problem is: why are you still with this loser? He isn't contributing financially without being pushed to do so and he lies. Does this sound like a good deal to you? Was your ex-husband that much of disaster that you're willing to accept this?
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