A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:im having a proplem with my bf of a year. i know he loves me but to me we dont have sex often enough. sometimes i can tell he wants me bad but he holds himself back and i dont know y. i am sought of afraid to start something im afraid hell reject me so i rather dont try. is that what im doing wrong? that he wants me too initiate? he once told me that i go along with whatever. and that there had only been one time when i had truly let go. that one time was a time wen i wasnt worried about pple overhearing us or it wasnt in the car or something like that. and i crave to have sex with him but im not sure of his feelings sometimes he seems so cold and other times so warm. he said that if he has sex often he gets to emotionally attached. is he just scared? plse help. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (5 July 2011):
 I was going to answer but YOUWISH beat me to it. very wise answer.
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (5 July 2011):
 That's the point of having sex! You're emotionally attached already and the sex makes you closer than you were before! That's how it's supposed to work.
He is immature, not scared. To him, he doesn't want to be out of control. He looks at a relationship in terms of who's in control of it, and when he gets too attached, he leaves himself vulnerable to you and to the relationship.
Only a guy who has intimacy problems would consider it a problem becoming more emotionally attached to a woman. What are his intentions with you if he doesn't want to become closer to you? If you love someone, you leave no barriers to growing closer.
Don't play the game of control. Tell him simply that if he only wants sex on every second Tuesday only if the sun is shining, fine with you. You're not interested in mind games. You're interested in a good relationship. Tell him to call you when he's grown up enough to have one.
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