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anonymous
writes: Me and my girlfriend have been together for about 2 years now. I always knew she liked women on some level, and I was happy for her to explore that side of her sexuality. Then one day I learned she had intercourse with a girl-friend of mine, she didnt tell me they had sex at the time. She only told me that the girl came onto her. So she hid it from me initially because she was afraid of how I would react.About say, 4 months later she had found another girl she was interested in. She broke off the relationship with me because she was "Afraid of hurting me". She wants to find out this other side of her sexuality with women and go on a break, I understood. She constantly tells me she loves me and that im her future etc, and when im with her she tells me she wants to be with me but shes very confused. The big problem I have now, and the reason for this question is that she told me she kissed one of her friends (a male friend) while she was drunk round his house. Now this has happened before, but she swears she didnt have sex with the guy. And just recently (through an internet conversation), i looked at her message history with the guy in question. I was pretty horrified with what I saw. Statements like she wanted him to come over and screw her etc etc. She claims it was someone else using her internet account. I tried confronting her but she always says she doesnt have to answer to anything because shes single now. Am I being too paranoid? Will our relationship work out??
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A reader, Chris, writes (10 February 2005): It is simple, if a partner has sex with someone other than you, regardless of wether it is M-F, F-F, M-M... the fact is: it is with someone else, it is not with you. I have been in exactly the same situation. You feel as if you you should 'be cool' about exploring the sexuality thing but unfortunately when your partner 'sleeps with' someone else it is difficult to be cool.There is no difference with a partner sneaking a passionate time with someone of the same sex as you having your wicked way with some girl you meet in a club. The feeling of betrayal still hurts.If the situation was reversed would she have been as cool and forgiving?Thinking it ok to do as one pleases regardless of your feelings is not on. Either, forgive her and tell her that you don't want that to happen in future or if she doesn't want that then never communicate with her again.If it is any help I chose the former and we were ok! (keep in mind i went out and got even, having several one-night-stands in the mean time!) I am not proud... and promise you won't tell?
A reader, bonnie, writes (9 February 2005): the prime rule in any relationship between two people is that it should involve those same TWO people. any more and you are asking for trouble.sleeping around is sleeping around - whether or not you think it's "hot" because she's doing it with girls. it's only a small step to include guys in that profile, too, so you probably should have expected that.as it is, i think you have your answer with her statment that she doesn't need to explain herself to you because "she's single now".it seems she doesn't want to be in a relationship right now.you could hold out hope that she will come back to you, but then you'd have to decide if it's worth it just to wait around while she dates around.really your choice, but i'd give up on this one and find somebody who is serious.
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