A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've heard a lot of people say that people close to you often guess your sexuality before you actually come out. That has got me wondering. I'm 26, I have never dated, don't talk about who I'm attracted to and have never so much as held someone's hand. I'm not that good at sticking to gender norms either. I'm very very shy though, so people could just attribute my silence about anything sexuality related to that. To be honest, even though I suspect that I might be gay, I'm not totally sure myself. At what stage (age wise) would you suspect that someone who hasn't ever shown much attraction to the same sex is gay?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 June 2016): 50 maybe, not because of the lack of trying. I was young once and loved life, Had 5 brothers all married and i now have dozens of nephews and nieces. Nobody ever asked about my sexuality and i never discussed it. When my parents became ill, i was the one who moved back home because my brothers had family to look after. Still i don' t think any of my family thought i was gay. Looking after your parents does not make you gay. It wasn't easy my parents took up all my time, even weekends which my brothers had promise to help.After my parents decided they wanted to sleep i received a birthday card from Louis my young nephew addressed to Paula instead of Paul and when i showed my offence my brother just said "at least he knows what a pervert looks like"
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (27 May 2016):
 Whether others *thinks* they know someone is gay is irrelevant. It's YOUR life and YOUR sexual orientation. To discover and to accept.
My best friend growing up (male) is gay. By the age of maybe 12-13 there was no doubt. No one really spoke about it, no one felt a need to call him out and he never declared it. HE just IS gay.
I have had several gay AND bisexual friends and again it was never something that was a "topic". One of the guy who is bisexual was a bit of a surprise as he had dated girls from 15-25 and then started seeing a guy.
People who CLAIM to have "gaydar" aren't always right, so you can't expect others to KNOW your sexual orientation. THAT is something YOU will know.
Like Ciar said, I might wonder in PRIVACY - but I'd never go around and announce that so and so is gay. I knew my stepson was gay before his mom and dad. I didn't tell. It was HIS choice to tell them or not. When he came out it was no surprise to me. Did I tell him that? No. I just wished him every happiness, and to take good care of himself and his heart.
Being painfully shy doesn't mean you are automatically seen as gay.
My guess is you won't fully know WHAT orientation you have till you are SEXUALLY attracted to someone, be that male or female or both.
You could be a late bloomer or asexual. Which again, is FINE.
No matter what, YOU are uniquely you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2016): Are you asexual? 26, never held someone's hand - You might be?
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (26 May 2016):
 I consulted my book, "How to tell if someone is gay"... and looked for the chapter on "At what age can you tell if a person is gay if he/she hasn't shown much interest in the same sex."
Unfortunately, all the pages of that chapter were blank...
Good luck...
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (26 May 2016):
 I wouldn't make that assumption about anyone at any age. As you've pointed out there are a variety of reasons why one wouldn't openly declare a romantic interest.
Growing up, I was very similar. I was a very shy, private person and such a declaration would invite unnecessary attention. Not just for me, but for the person I was attracted to, especially if my interest wasn't reciprocated (which I assumed it wouldn't be which was another reason to keep it to myself).
I might privately wonder, but I wouldn't draw any conclusions based on that fact alone.
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A
male
reader, Denizen  +, writes (26 May 2016):
 I am pretty sure that if you are homosexual you know. It seems that you haven't even been curious about sex. Perhaps you are asexual. If you are happy that way then stop worrying about it.
If on the other hand you have a secret store of pornography then perhaps now is the time to do something about it.
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