A
female
age
30-35,
*hnookims
writes:Hi there. There is more a friendship then relationship question. I'm 21 years old and have known my friend since grade 9 (7 years). We were best friends for 2 but when she became anorexic/bulimic and I tried to help her while everyone else was encouraging it, she dropped me. I had to make an entirely new circle of friends. We never spoke for 2 years after that but then she started coming right, in a sense. What I mean is, her eating became healthy but her lifestyle did not. She slept around a lot but because I'm not as judgemental as most people would have been we became close again. I did not condone her lifestyle but I did not interfere, I was just an ear really. After a while I began noticing that she was getting everything I was getting and striving for everything I had achieved. I got an electric guitar, so did she. She never touched it and ended up selling it. I would get a hair cut, so would she. As soon as I met a guy that I thought was the one, she would tell me that she's over the one night stands and that's what she wants. Seven years on I am engaged, living with my fiance, our two year old daughter and am 7 months pregnant. I am extremely happy with my home life. The problem comes in now that she is absolutely obsessed with having a child. She walks in my house and tells me my child needs a nappy change or that she should be wearing something warmer. She sms'd me saying she thinks about my daughter and myself CONSTANTLY and would be honoured to be my bridemaid or child's godmother (WHO SAYS THAT?). I mean surely it's an honour to be asked but don't push it for goodness sake. She tries to get me away from my fiance constantly, saying she only wants to spend time with my daughter and myself. Saturdays are the only day we get with my fiance and she pushes for those too. Personally, I feel she is not ready to be a mother. The level of self obsession she has with her looks and herself in general is just too much. She wants to cuddle a baby, not to raise it and I don't think she knows what it takes. Besides which, she needs to get her health and life in order first. I feel stressed constantly becasue she is the only person I keep in contact with but she exerts this pressure on me. I don't have the heart to say NO or back off. She's on anti depressants. But I am now at my wits end... WHAT DO I DO?
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male
reader, Boonridge McPhalify  +, writes (19 May 2010):
 to marieclaire, no i am not but i have experience in life with borderline people and this reminded me of it. simple as. maybe she doesn't have it, but the needy attention seeking and mega clingy drama overload seem to point towards that kind of person. i have been around people who were clinically diagnosed (though i dont hold much faith in personality disorders, the patterns of behaviour they are labelled by are big warning signs) and they were very annoying at times, pretty much like this.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2010): Sounds like she's draining you emotionally.She's already proven she's not loyal to you - she'll dump you when you don't do what she wants.I'd recommend getting rid of her as a friend really, chances are she's in the way for you when you try to make new friends today, so it might make for better friends in the long run.
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A
female
reader, marnan +, writes (17 May 2010):
Your friend obviously has problems and she needs to deal with them herself. Don't get drawn into her world with discussions on babies or anything else as this is a way of holding onto you, putting you under pressure. To prevent this, limit the amount of time with her, say once every two or three weeks and for no longer than two hours. Make the meeting in a public place and keep the time busy, like clothes shopping, bowling, swimming or at a gym as this prevents too much talking. Lastly, never let anyone walk into your home not even your mother, so lock the door so that she has to knock and wait.(Making sure you always do the same.) And when she starts interfering either leaver to rant on while you read a story or sing nursery rhymes to your daughter(the louder the better and even better still one with movements in, such as The Grand Old Duke of York.)OR ignore her altogether, eventually she will get the message. Finally if all else fails get together with other mums and widen your circle of friends giving her the heave hoe.
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A
male
reader, Boonridge McPhalify +, writes (17 May 2010):
she screams boderline personality from a mile away. the only reason why you are finding her so manipulative is because you are letting her be. get a life outside her, meet up with other friends or if you are being stifled but have no one else to talk to just spend some quality time on your own chilling. as much as you like this woman, there is a limit to how much you can tolerate her massive neediness, and attention seeking bullshit. the best option is to limit contact with her and be "busy" (you shouldn't need to explain to someone that you are not available, they should just accept it), if she reacts badly and starts acting weird then see if you really want to be friends with her.
you need a social life that involves balanced people that have lives of their own.
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