A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:What should I do? I've been friends with this guy since elementary school. When we were 17 we started having sex, but we've never dated. This went on for about 3 years and then he moved away. It has now been 6 years and he is moving back here. He says he's been waiting this whole 6 years to have sex with me again, and now he's added that he wants me to have his baby. He has never before told me he loved me, but recently he constantly says it. I want children myself and I know he'd be a good father, but my problem is he has a girlfriend. He seems as if he doesn't want to be with her and he says he doesn't know if she going to move here with him or not. Even though I love him a lot, I don't want to be the reason he leaves her. As far as having his child, my dreams of having children have always involved me having a husband first.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell he got here Friday. He has broken up with his girlfriend. in my front yard in front of my family and all my neighbors he got on his knees and asked me to marry him. I said no, but we have been talking a lot. He is still my best friend and we have a lot to talk about, but we will see how things go.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2007): Forget it - and him! He hasn't had a real relationship, let alone any kind of commitment to you in all this time.
As for his girlfriend, well, if he was serious about wanting to be with YOU, he would not be with her now (whether he "doesn't SEEM to want her", or not) and he would not countenance her moving with him, either - not unless she had gotten a job in your area and was getting an apartment of her own, and even then, it would be iffy.
Ditch him and see what other decent men are out there who would, in time, be willing to marry you and love you and raise a baby with you.
Stick to your guns about having a husband first!
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A
female
reader, mummymeme  +, writes (2 May 2007):
Hi, Well you are stuck arnt you! lets disect this a minute - he says he hasnt had sex for 6 years because he has been waiting for you, then says he has a girlfriend; he loves you but he doesnt know if his girlfriend will be moving back with him; he tells you that he wants you to have his children, knowing you want children. If your best friend told you this, you would tell her to run a mile! I know your judgement is clouded by your feelings for him, but are they feelings for the need to be a mother with a good father? or are they driven by flattery? it sounds to me like he doesnt want to left alone if his girlfriend doesnt move with him, he needs to be loved and needed like most mens ego; would you feel comfortable risking being a single mum? or married to a man that is with you because doesnt want to be left on the shelf, not because he cant live without you? i feel you would be better looking for happiness in other areas - trust your instinct, its nothing to do with his girlfriend but his selfishness; he isnt thinking of your feelings at all!
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