A
female
age
30-35,
*slandgal441
writes:ive been dating my b/f for almost 3 years now, and i know in my heart i want to be with him for the rest of my life, and he feels the same since he wants to get married and have a child. i want that as well but im 19 and he's 21 but my mother is really against young marriage and having children young. And i think im more afraid of all the ppl who are going to talk about us, and the disapproving comments my moms friends are going to make if we do decide to get married since we live in a small town. am i overreacting or is this something i should really think about. If there is anyone who got married young can help me out with some advice please? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, 5 years  +, writes (13 December 2008):
Dear islandgal441,I am 24 now and I have been married for 5 years. I got married at 19 my husband was 26. If you know in your heart that he is the one go for it. Just remember there will be good times and bad. Just rememeber to communicate, compromise and make sure you don't lose your self.
A
female
reader, eleonor rigby  +, writes (3 October 2008):
He might be Prince Charming, and that's really wonderful... but you're still too young. I'm sure your mother loves you very much, and she's only looking for your best interest. Having a child now is not that easy, and saddly a baby can't live only of love. You have many years yet to make a family, and if this guy is really THE ONE, he'll be there. Don't think that if you don't marry him now you'll lose him, and if that's case then he was simply not for you. Personally I don't think having a child is the ultimate demonstration of love, you can study together, build your future together, you can do so many things other than marriage, so don't think of it yet, go make plans for you, and he should do the same, if you love each other that much, you'll end up together anyways, wait a little. Besides, you are 19 years old, I'm sure this is the only serious relationship you've been to. Of course you've met people who cheated and lied to you, happens all the time! specially when you are growing up and seeing what's really out there. Having a baby, and depending on someone else's opinion is def. going to change your life, are you ready for it? and what's going to happen if one day love runs out the door and he doesn't want you anymore, will you go back to your mother's house? Go study, make money, with him or without him, but think of you first. I'm just being realistic here, it would be nice if we could live out of love, but we can't. Think of the future, the real one.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 October 2008): You should do what you want to do. It's your life and not your mother's. It's better to have them when your younger, because the older you get, the harder it is to keep up with them, and the more health risks and problems you get.
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female
reader, islandgal441 +, writes (1 October 2008):
islandgal441 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe's not pressuring me like that, he just lights up when he talks about getting married, and having a child and how happy that wud make him, we talked about the problems that ppl in a marriage wud face n he seems very sure about working thru it. he's already seen first hand how marriages can fail, so have i. and its not something we want to happen to us. it really seems like he's ready for the commitment and he knows that its a partnership as well.... lol the only problem to me is my mother, i know his mother and her side of the family wud b supportive (since his older sister asked me to be her daughter's godmother- im going to be apart of his family one way or the other)
it's just my mother, she is kind of controlling and stubborn. i've dated other guys n all of them treated me like crap, cheated on me n left me for other girls. my bf now has only shown me love and support. he has his flaws with the communication problem but we're both workin on that together...... sorry if that sounded corny.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 October 2008): But as for kids, I would DEF. WAIT till I finished school and found a good job.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 October 2008): He shouldn't be trying to rush you. I mean a comment like "So when are you going to marry me?" with a smile every now and then isn't so bad. Let's you know that he's still VERY interested in you.
I used to have a neg. opinion of marriage. I thought it was a trap, but now that I am married it's still a trap...ooops LOL I mean, it's more a lifelong friendship. LOL
I'm 21, and my bf is 26. He was in kind of a hurry too, cos he says he keeps getting older, but he didn't pressure me that much. We've been married for about two months. Oct. 16th, will be our third month.
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A
female
reader, islandgal441 +, writes (30 September 2008):
islandgal441 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for your help Its not something im trying to rush into doing right away, im seriously thinking it over. i told him after i finish college i wouldnt mind getting married, im really trying to take one day at a time. He's the one whose trying to rush everything
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A
male
reader, Dr Vendetta  +, writes (30 September 2008):
 i know Many many man young couples.
mostly between the ages of 18-23 all married and have known many of them for years.
85% of them get divorced within the first 3 years of marriage because.. they got married too young..
" oh but we love each other want to be togehter forever and forever and forever and forever and..."
yeah.. knock that sh*t right off. being married changes alot.
answer the answers to these questions on paper.
# What would you love to do with YOUR life. ( as a single person not a couple)
# What can you do to make them actually happen.
# What Have you Actually done with your life on that list up untill now?
once your married .. life changes. you can't do what you actually want. you have to do whats best for the marriage. whats best for you both.
and yeah all you whining married people " oh its wonderful its the bestest thing ever"... *vomits* can you honestly say you've done everything you wnated to do in life?
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female
reader, Evian13  +, writes (29 September 2008):
Listen to your mother! Last words you want to hear but she is right! I married at 28 and that was too young! Trust me. God Bless You!
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A
female
reader, eleonor rigby +, writes (29 September 2008):
Ok well, I'm 23 years old, and I'm not married or anything like it, so probably you might not take my advice in consideration, but I'll just give it a try. I don't think that you should be thinking that much of what people in your town is going to say if you got married this young, I mean...think of the two of you and how will your future is going to be. It would be wonderful if you have a fairy tale ending since you are so in love with each other, but you should take a look at some other factors. For example, money, this is not a romantic subject, but lets face it, it's one of the main reasons why people nowadays get divorced, if you have a back up plan so you wont have to ask for anyone's help later is perfect. Do you have a place to live yet? (other than each others homes) Do you think you're going to be able to give your child a nice future without restrictions? I think all of this is important, it might not seem like that right now, but later on, it can damage your relationship and therefore hurt the little ones.
Make a good plan for the future, I'm sure having a kid is an amazing thing, but you should be truly ready for it. And finally, is he the only person you were with? if so, maybe you should wait a little, there are many others and it would be better FOR THE TWO OF YOU to try different things, so you'll be really sure that you want to take this huge step (marriage). Well, take care.
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