A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I love him, but I am tired of long distance and logically, he really doesn't have much to offer.I have been dating a wonderful man for about 6 months. I admire a lot about him, and the time we have gotten to spend in person is wonderful. He lives about 12 hours from me, so we don't get to see each other frequently.We have talked about getting married, and I can see myself happy with him. I'm feeling pessimistic though because he really doesn't have much to offer in terms of being a head of household and it feels like there is no end in sight to the distance between us.He has 2 kids, I have 1. He is an amazing Dad and I know he would be good to my child. My son's father is barely involved, but has already told me he would fight me in court if I try to move with our son. My boyfriend has a good relationship with his ex wife and see's his 2 kids literally 50% of the year, obviously he doesn't want to leave them behind. What it boils down to is either I eventually fight my ex husband to move, and if I lose, he would have to move here to be with me-this could all happen years down the line-I don't know if I want to wait. The other troubling aspect is that he doesn't make much money. In fact, I make more than he does-a lot because he got into his career field later in life and there is potential for him to make quite a bit-someday. He also lives in an apartment with his sister and her husband to save all of them money. Money isn't everything-but it is important.I love him, but I'm questioning if the obstacles are worth it, or if I should just cut ties, deal with the heartbreak and move on.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2014): What do you have to offer him? I only say this because You say he has'nt much to offer you.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (6 March 2014):
 I think that LDRs can work
I think THIS LDR cannot work.
see this article: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/is-my-long-distance-relationship-worth-it.html
NOTE that you need to figure that you will spend as much time together while LDR as possible... with small children and a 12 hour drive, that's not happening.
MONEY is needed to make an LDR work.. sounds like it's going to be an issue for him to come visit...or for you to visit him,
I would vote sadly for letting this one go.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (6 March 2014):
 To me there seems to be to many more cons then pros to make it work.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2014): Life is really way too short. If there are this many obstacles then it just isn't meant to be. You could spend years of your life in a long distance relationship, when you could be out there meeting the right person who lives a couple of minutes away. It's tough to bring anything to an end but you have to be realist and strong.
All the best!
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (6 March 2014):
 When you say your ex is barely involved, does it mean that he visits less than once a month and is only trying to cause trouble because a new man would be the father and doesn't feel like travelling 12 hours to visit his son? What is the current custody arrangements? Do you have sole custody? I think it's easier to make that decision based on what you have legally.
I also think that your boyfriend is just not special enough for you to make any long term decisions. If a man is the one then making less money than you shouldn't be a problem. Being a good man is not enough. You need to have that feeling that you can't live without each other and that he is one in a million, a feeling like you waited your whole life for that kind of man.
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