A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I expected that people in the working world etc. would be more mature but they aren't.A lot of adults are so petty (both genders) and gossip about/say stupid things like "that client looks old" or "that co-worker is weird" or "Spanish people look like wrinkled prunes past 30". These are people in their 30s, 40s, 50s even.Is this standard no matter where you go? Or do I just work with immature people? I find it negative. I lost a few years of my life to depression and I am scared toever tell anyone if most adults are like this.Example: We had a new girl at work last week who sits next to me, one of the girls in my department went up to her and said "you look nice" and she responded "thanks, you too" and introduced herself. I then heard the girl from my department go over to another girl in the workplace and start whispering about new girl (I heard her name mentioned loads of times) and giggling in her direction even though she acted normally. These are grown women in their 20s and having worked with the new girl she is fine.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2015): In my experience, they are judgmental. At my last job, it was so bad I actually quit. I don't understand most other people and they don't understand me.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2015): Yes everybody is judgmental in some way. Some are more overt about it and others are more quiet.The key to shutting down all judgmental people is to ignore them and not give a shit about what they think. Keep being yourself and keep shining despite anyone else. Those who judge are unhappy with themselves and project it onto other people. They have this need to feel superior by putting others down. What they aren't smart enough to realize is they are inferior by doing this. Good people help other people up; they don't put them down. Unfortunately the judgmental never judge themselves because if they did, they would actually see that they were less than perfect. No better and maybe worse than everybody else! And what a tragedy that would be!I hate gossipy people. If I hear them or if they do this in front of me, I will usually say something and shut them up. Then they will think twice about putting others down. Or not do it in my presence.I have a son with a disability and have had to go through lots of judgment. Now I just don't give a shit what people think. And let me tell you it is empowering! If someone judges... and usually they are strangers, I take the opportunity to educate them about my son's condition. Really they aren't always worth my time but I use it in a constructive way to bring awareness to my son's condition. And usually they feel pretty stupid and embarrassed that they judged people and situations they didn't have a clue about!So the key is be confident. Like yourself. And not care what people have to say. It does not change who you are, what you think, how you live your life and how much you love yourself!
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (13 January 2015):
 Ah, dear OP, you have found that awful secret of life. That some people never grow up. They stay stuck in patterns they grooved their school years.
We all pass 'judgment' on someone. You are doing that now to your co-workers. The question is how that 'judgment' is expressed.
Carry on being polite and don't engage in gossip. Also don't spend too much time analyzing about the gossip-mongers; the best thing to do is to ignore them and carry on.
And don't be too harsh on these immature people. They are struggling to get through life just like anyone else. You can see examples on this website. Even at so-called 'mature' ages of 40, 50, 60 or 70 and beyond, people still want to know those basic questions from youth: "Does she (or he) like me?" "Am I attractive?" "Am I good enough?"
Spend time with positive people and interact as little as possible with the negative and you'lll be fine. Don't be mean to the negative, they are struggling, as I said earlier. Just don't feed the negativity. Best wishes.
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (13 January 2015):
 People of all ages,genders,races,etc.i.e. All of us have our predjudices and bias' intergrated into r brains throughout the maturation process. It is just human nature to have bias towards thins and othepeople bas on our experiences. Iuspect from the nature of youquestionthat you grew up in a nearly sheltered enironment and are somehow shocked to suddenly be "released" into the wild-wild world of reality. But, yes to more directly answer the question, most people Are judgemental. Be it good or be it bad, who knows? That's life in the real world. So, you can adapt to it or reject it.Sadly you've been removed from the dangers of the human condition. We're a sorry lot after all.
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A
female
reader, Sincerely Yours +, writes (13 January 2015):
 I am sorry to say, but yes. Keep your integrity and make it clear that you won't take part. I had a coworker speak badly about people, I always have an objective, reasonable response such as: "I think she was just trying to help," or "he's just not as speedy, but he's always willing to help," etc etc depending on the comment being made. By never speaking ill of people, never responding positively to gossip, and remaining well-mannered, you deflect people from approaching you in such juvenile ways. I have found that people won't even be willing to talk about it near me. If you stay out of the drama and remain a kindred spirit, people will have little to say about you. Now they can always find something of course, but what's more important is that you're acting according to your moral compass, and setting an example for others. You will find that it will eventually benefit you in more than one way. It also depends a little on your work place. I worked in the medical field, a very small office in which the hiring manager hired largely depending on character. So there were very few negative people. When I worked in food industry, and the manager hired largely on appearance, there were far MORE negative, catty people. How much you find yourself surrounded by it will vary with the scene that you take part in, as well as the way you compose yourself over time. Chin up! Someone will appreciate you for your integrity. Give it time and don't give up. ~SY
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (13 January 2015):
 Unfortunately you will find judgmental and immature people of ALL ages and EVERYWHERE.
What you might want to learn, is to NOT stoop to gossip yourself and stick to the people who are more "mature" and positive. And.... grow a thicker skin.
I think it's partly to do with social websites and interactions. They have changed a LOT over the last 20-30 years. Consider that people weren't ALWAYS airing dirty laundry on Facebook, hating on other on the Internet, and we were better at personal interactions. I sincerely think people are losing the ability to interact on a human to human level at times, because most people are attached to their cellphones.
I have seen people on twitter sending "hate" to celebrities because of the plot-line and how the actor's character behaved. I mean seriously? They ACT, the follow a script! So sending hate to the actor is MIND BAFFLING to me. Yes, people still feel it's their "right to free speech" (they really should look into what that TRULY is, but I digress.
Some people never leave their "high-school" mentality behind. It worked for them during those 3 years so they stick with it. Sad, but true.
Be who you are, be nice, be courteous, professional and polite and you will do fine. Yes, you may not be BFF's with some of these catty women/men but you will feel better knowing that at least YOU know how to behave. Don't take crap from anyone, but don't climb down in the gutter either.
As for you "lost" years battling depression. Don't "share" that at work. Share that with people who you KNOW care for you and whom you care for in return. Why do I say that? Because there ARE people (again regardless of age) who will USE that kind of info to their own gain. Whether it is so they have JUICY gossip to spread or ammo when it comes to promotions.
I'm sorry to tell you, that age doesn't mean squat when it comes to behavior. At least not always.
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