A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am not straight. I like women more but men sometimes too. I feel most comfortable being androgynous - shortish hair, confident manner, and a bit tomboyish: I like to open doors for my dates and generally naturally gravitate away from the feminine damsel role. I want to date men because I am attracted to them, but I don't want to have to loose my identity. I like my female masculinity. Will this intimidate men...? I am doing something completely weird here asking this question...? and mostly Are there men out there who like non-penetrative sex...?Just testing my limits here. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Orpheus  +, writes (5 December 2010):
It befuddles me that most men, and every one of them that I know, only like the frilly girls that need to collapse into their arms, with long hair, long nails, perfect girly essence. Honestly, I kind of abhor types like that. I've always been attracted to masculine females, the ones with short hair, security, and very tomboyish. I turn my head to those types, not to the ones that want me to protect them in every turn of life, where they don't have to lift a finger.
As for the sex, I hate penetrative sex, I will admit. Like heartfullalove said, it's a very small minority, but it does exist. In every one of my sexual encounters, other than a single time when I lost my virginity, I've done non-penetrative.
I was extremely surprised when I saw this question since it's so close to what catches me, so I had to comment and add my voice. I hope this helps :).
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2009): Of course there are men who like to do other things besides penis-in-vagina, and don't need every session to include it in order to be satisfied. Sexuality involves more than that. The way two people can make each other feel good is only limited by their imagination. The focus doesn't have to be on penetration, at least not penis-in-vagina penetration when there are so many other parts of the body that can be used to please and be pleased. As for you being androgynous, that doesn't make you any less of a woman, it's just who you are, part of your personality, so what's wrong with that? It would be so cool to go out with a woman like you, someone strong and confident, but women like you are hard to find. I'm confident enough in my masculinity to appreciate your confidence. But having confidence in my masulinity doesn't mean I'm closed-minded and that I'm the typical male, just in the same way someone can't know you until they actually meet you and spend time with you. I don't think discussing non-penetrative sex is giving something up, it's actually involving more parts of the body in acts of pleasure.
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (17 August 2009):
 Not all sex has to end in intercourse, that would get pretty boring.
But a relationship is about TWO people working out a life together.
You have your desires, your partner might have others. The whole point of the dating process is to find out if you two are compatible.
There are a lot of people out there and there is bound the be someone who is compatible, but do remember that you can make it hard on yourself if you put down to many restrictions in advance.
The way you put down "no penetrative sex" sounded way to rigid. Your update already is far more mellow and explains WHY. Perhaps this desire is nothing more then to experience sex that is more then the old wam-bam-thank-you-mam.
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A
male
reader, DLover  +, writes (15 August 2009):
I do not want to be mean in any way, but find a man who likes non penetrative sex will be hard. And if you do so, you might find out he is a very complexed man, or might be a transverti. Maybe the problem lies in your perception of penetration ?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question@LazyGuy your post is cool.To reply to your comment about pigeonholing: I am not adhering to rigid rules, not. I am more in the process of trying to define what I am into and to be true to myself, which means that I am attracted to some people and that they can be both men and women.I don't hold the view that penetrative has to be oppressive it depends how it is done,and what the partners agree to doesn't it...(some people like domination...)but I don't want to be limited to it and obliged to finish every sexual activity with it because I prefer body, nipple etc play and intercourse is something that I have to be in the right frame of mind to really enjoy it- and it has to be pretty spontaneous. So I was wondering if there are guys out there who have a similar taste. Hm. I guess I'll have to find out!
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy +, writes (15 August 2009):
There is someone for everyone.
Believe it or not, but there are men who really do not want a girly woman. Freaks them out.
But non-penetrative sex? That might get old. It is a classic view that the one penetrating is dominant/male and the one being penetrated is the submissive/female.
This goes so far that in muslim cultures in male on male sex, only the one being penetrated is seen as being sinful.
Do you share that view? You are who you are you and that might be a masculine girl but you are still a girl with all the various girl bits.
Shouldn't he touch your breasts either?
There are guys who like tomboys, but a tomboy is also still a woman. If a guy prefers a more masculine partner but not to touch her breasts/vagina he might as well go all the way and marry a guy. Can't get more masculine then that.
I get the feeling you have pushed yourself and everyone else into a pigeon-hole. I am X, so I can't do Y.
As said, there is someone for everyone. My own gf is often called a tomboy and since I give advice on a agony-aunt site... well that ain't exactly what Rambo would do is it? The gender roles can be bend pretty far.
But no-intercourse would I think be a though deal to sell. And I have to wonder exactly why you are so against it.
But ultimately, whatever kind of relationship you and someone else decide to have is up to the two of you. All you can do is ask, and see what the others reaction might be. Just remember that it takes two people to make a relationship work and that give and take is a natural part of it. And sometimes that means giving up a tiny part of your identity.
What is your identity really. Is it so fragile that intercourse would shatter it? You don't have to take the passive role always.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2009): Some do. Some don't. Part of the purpose of androgyny is that it potentially attracts both sexes. That doesn't mean everyone finds it attractive, though. What's certain is that SOME men - and women - will. In the same way, some guys - and girls - will find it a turn-off.
As for guys who like non-penetrative sex, I suspect they're a very small minority. Sorry about that. But again, I'm sure they're out there somewhere.
(Btw, Q - a blow job does involve the mouth being penetrated!)
Best of luck
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