A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Are failed relationships the cause of our anxiety? There are many people out there who suffer from anxiety or depression or both. I have found during the first 20 years of my life (when I wasn't in a relationship) that I was happy go lucky, didn't care about much and never had any worries/ sleep problems.Now 20 years on I find one bad relationship after another has caused me continual worry, depression, insomnia and obsessing over what my ex is up to now!!Therefore I believe life would have been simpler if I'd never had a relationship at all. Do people out there agree?
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (12 August 2015):
 No, I don't think it's as simple as JUST shouldn't have dated ever!!
You have also grown and learned things about yourself though the good and the bad that you other wise would have missed out on.
Wanting to "go back" to a more uncomplicated part of your life is not strange though, but utterly unrealistic.
Let's say for a moment that, YES you are right! You should NEVER have dated!... Then what? You do not have a Tardis or a Time Turner... You can't go back. You can't change the past.
What you CAN do... on the other hand, is take what you have learned THROUGH these failed/bad/good relationships, about yourself and others and MOVE forward.
TAKE some time to yourself, BE yourself, BY yourself. As in... don't date a while. Spend time doing what makes you happy, be around people who are positive, who cares about you and that you care about - friends & family. Make a simple bucket list. (on that you can do over the next year) Don't sit at home and feel sorry for yourself. Try new things that have spoken to you before but you never got around to it.
Detach yourself a bit from the tech. Use your phone as a phone. (with that I mean CALL people) Get off Facebook, Twitter, Twatter, Instagram... etc. Live in the real world.
Don't let life pass you by while you sit and feel sorry for yourself or wish you could go back. You can't. Make the life you have now COUNT. Live in the NOW.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2015): I do agree with you. I have found exactly the same. When I'm single, I'm happy and relaxed and confident and free. Not everyone in this world is meant to be in a relationship, I don't think, plenty of us are happier single. There's a lovely quote and I don't know if I'm remembering it correctly exactly, but its along the lines of 'don't underestimate the joy of the heart that is free'.It speaks to me! I'm happier on my own, the world is my oyster, there are no worries of is he cheating? What's he doing? Why's he looking at porn/dating websites/facebook all the time? That's the majority of the problems on this website and the posters are obsessed with what their other halves are up to and have forgotten about their own lives, whereas I go dancing, meet friends for lunch, shop, learn constantly about things that appeal to me. My sister is the same and she is so relaxed and happy.Live the way you want to I say. I've wasted many a year or decade on relationships, that while they were fun, were not worth the angst of separating etc. Each to their own!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 August 2015): It is possible to have good relationships.
Ones that fill you with joy when you're in them and even after the relationship.
Maybe if you tell us what sort of relationship problems keep coming up for you we may give you different ways to tackle the dating scene.
There is hope
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