A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Dear CupidMy bf and myself applied for a job in the same place and we both have the same qualification, although i personally think he is more knowledgable than me.Long shory short, i got the job and he didnt.He was very upset that he didnt get the job, and i didnt know how to tell him that i got it. So i told him i also didnt make it. Currently we work in a small place and are waiting for a big break.My bf is kind of macho guy who thinks girls would be better off as house wife's. I wanted to take this job since it would give my career a big break, but i dont know how to tell him. He definitely would be devastated that i beat him in this job and moreover i lied to him that i didnt get it to make him feel better. I dont want to lose him, i love him a lot. Please help me. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, KeighleySky  +, writes (7 April 2011):
 he sounds a little pathetic to me, im sorry but its true honey. He's now belittling you because you (a woman) got the job. Tell him that you woul dhave moved for him if hed gotten the job and tell him to stop being so childish, you got the job he didnt. He must get over this. If not then honey i know you dont want to leave him but hes going to stop you from doing the things you want to do.You need to ask yourself these questions:Do you want the job?would he be acting differently if hed gotten the job?why cant he act as pleased for you as you would have been for him?is he being selfish and immature?The answer is really up to you, only you can decide. Is this man worth it if it sounds as if he believes you dont deserve this job, soon youll be thinking that yourself. But you do deserve this job, he's the one who lost out. Dont lose out because he shows bad sportmanship. He lost. End of. xx
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the reply. I have told my bf about it and now he is making me feel as if i dont deserve this job and asking me not to accept since i need to move to a diff state and he does not want to move. Before applying we discussed about this and he was confident that he would get the job and hence asked me to move with him. Since now i got it instead of him, and he does not want to move. I dont know what to do. I dont want to lose him.
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A
female
reader, KeighleySky +, writes (6 April 2011):
This is one of the biggest taboo's in a relationship. You do not apply to the same job.....ti always end badly, either one of you doesnt get the job and the other does, as it is in your situation or you both get the job but then cant move up the ladder because you could use your higher influence to give your better half more hours. This just doesnt work for a relationship, any kind in fact. I'd say that next time dont go for the same job and do what the other DC's have said - tell him and tell him now before its too late and you hurt him more than hes going to be. Sit him down and just tell him straight, maybe first explain to him why you didnt tell him. He may be a little angry at first but that will be because you lied to him. I've been in a similar situation, me and my best friend applied ofr the same job. She go the job and i didnt, she didnt tell me until shed started working. I wasnt angry because shed gotten the job and i hadnt i was angry because she HADNT told me. I hope ive helped you :)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2011): I think you need to tell him...and ideally you should have told him when you found out. From the way you describe his personality, he probably won't be happy.If you don't take this job to protect his ego, you WILL be kicking yourself later.If you genuinely fear that he'll dump you over your getting this job, then I don't think he's worth the trouble. There are plenty of men who are will to take their girlfriends/wives careers seriously. There are plenty of men who aren't emasculated by their girlfriends/wives earning more than them. If the standard of being a "man" is outdoing a women, then I consider that standard pretty low. He sounds like a poor sport and he would be childish if he took his dissappointment out on you. Your career will be around for the next 40 years, it's hard to say how long your boyfriend will stick around. Do what you have to do to take care of yourself, not to prop up somebody's feelings.Good luck and Congratulations on the job offer!
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