A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been seeing my boyfriend for about a year with no problems, however before this I previously went out with him for about a year when I was a lot younger (17), he was not the person he is now, at the time he was well known as a womaniser, and treat me badly, I left him despite being totally besotted, and seemingly we both did a lot of growing up. Now 21 and him 26 we have a good relationship, solid, stable, loving, but sometimes I still have pangs of the feelings he is going to turn around and become who he was before. I have been totally honest about this to him and stated although I do trust him not surprisingly I do still have tiny niggly doubts that come to mind occasionally which would take me some time to get over ( I have been told by unbiased people this is understandable considering how he used to behave.He has a child of 5 years old with a girl who is well known to be play around with men, and whenever she vists she flirts with him, he doesnt flirt back so it's not a major issue, but it still makes me feel very uncomfortable. I wondered if anyone has any pointers to help me feel less anxious he is going to return to his nasty ways, and also on dealing with the overly flirty ex. I'm well aware it's me with the issue, and mostly i don't feel this way, but when issues occur I jump back to that point of view, and I know it's not really fair.Thanks
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2008): Hi Hunny
This is quite natural after the relationship before, What you need hunny is some confidence and help to sort out these trust issues, He has changed for the better so he has grown alot and probably doesnt even like the person he used to be and he must really love you he just lost his way for awhile. dont let others put a shadow on what you have now sweetheart.
This girl flirts because he is no longer hers and she knows damn well it gets to you hunny, When she brings the little one over you pay lots of attention to the child all happy and positive!!! not that you dont hunny ok! Ive been so hurt in past relationships that I didnt think Id ever be able to have another one again as that feeling was so over powerfull so I no how you feel sometimes hunny. I gave myself alot of self help so Im going to send you a link to help with your confidence as once you have that confidence back within yourself you can get stronger to fight off these negative feelings about your fella and enjoy what you have today love, As it seems he is good to you now and has really made the change and you both love each other. So you dont want the likes of miss flirty pants getting you down :) ( said in a nice way )
http://www.selfesteem4women.com/index.php?ad=lm614
This will give you tons of guidence sweetheart as I no its not a nice feeling and its one you can well do without if you need a chat at anytime message me TAKE CARE OF YOU HUNNY LOTS OF LOVE N HUGS MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
A
male
reader, Kawika  +, writes (20 February 2008):
 When I was growing up I did a lot of bad things that I would consider shameful. It took me time and maturity to finally realize the gravity of what I have done. Since then, my convictions have surely taken me in a better direction...and I know I would never go back. I believe maturity and time can definitely change people. Somehow our values begin to develop and we are always looking for relationships and experiences that defines us. I think you need to give him the benefit of the doubt, but it is always good to get it out in the open. If he really cares about you he will listen. I hope this helps...
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