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female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: My boyfriend is joining the military working in intel, and we will be doing long distance for a year before getting married. We have a lot of trust and I have confidence in our relationship. However, I'm afraid of him possibly changing due to being in the military. I know that he will change no matter what, it is the military after all. I just hope that he becomes someone i still like and love. He is very soft-spoken, wholesome, sweet, and a bit innocent, and I'm afraid that the military is going to harden him up and i will lose the loving man i know. Any advice?
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2019): I was in the military, and my training made me stronger, more vigilant, and I had to excel at my duties. Other than that, I wasn't changed as a person.
I gained more confidence, and I am much more disciplined. Those who have been through battle will have a different experience. Those in battle may change if they do extended tures; or witness atrocities or incur injury. If he isn't in infantry, it isn't likely to happen to him. He will have to see what damage weapons can do. That is a part of training for all soldiers.
Depending on his overall strength in personality, and what he's exposed to. Intel may keep him isolated, require him to serve in remote or secret locations, and require him to keep his whereabouts or his orders classified.
Wait and see. Don't create things in your mind, or form prejudices without any fact to base them on. Soldiers are men and women who love our country enough to serve; and to sacrifice our lives for freedom and our national security. Try being proud of him, instead of worrying about how he will be changed.
He loves you, and that part of him I am sure he will do everything he can to preserve in himself. All what you love so much about him. Don't you forget, that you bring out the best in him. Some of those things about him, he got from you! Some become soldiers and that's all they want to be. They can still be great brothers, sisters, husbands, wives, fathers, mothers, and the best of people too!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2019): It will change him. But many things can change a person. Many jobs change you too. I know people who have changed a lot from doing a stressful job like nursing, social work or medicine. They or their partners don't worry about it happening because no one thinks of that but the constant strain and dealing with other people's issues etc can make them hard too. So at least you are prepared for this change in a way that a lot of other people are not. Everyone changes. All you can work towards is trying to nagivate that change together, rather than apart.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (7 December 2019):
 He will change, and SO will you.
Military DOES change a person. But they don't do a 180 and become a horrible version of themselves.
I think as long as you two are OPEN with communications you can make it work.
And if you two SHARE common goals, such as marriage, a family, values etc. the chances of you two making it work is higher than if you don't.
He is WHO he is, the military won't change that radically.
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