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female
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*ucylou
writes: I have been with my partner for 2 years and we have 2 succesful businesses. He is australian and I'm UK. We live in greece. I have just returned to UK to visit family; he is currently in Greece. A few weeks ago we were shopping and his mobile rang. It was an ex he was with when living in Australia. He said 'hello' a few times then hung up and told me it was her. I asked why he didn't speak and he said he didn't want to talk to her. A few days after arriving in UK we were talking on the phone and he told me she sent him an email saying she was coming to Greece for the summer. I told him that she probably wouldn't find us as it's a big island and that he's totally changed his appearance. He's lost a lot of weight and had his hair cut and bleached! I asked what would happen if she did turn up as I'd feel awkward. This is due to him telling me to check his emails 6 months ago and finding 68 emails from her which I've never said anything to him about. He said he would tell her to go away as he's got a new life now.I was really mixed up emotionally about this so I went into his emails and there was a new one from her still unread. I opened it. It said she really enjoyed their chat the other day and was sorry he wasn't feeling well. (He had the flu) and if he could get back to her about working for the summer. She enclosed her phone numbers as requested by him.At the bottom was the message he sent her. 'hi Babe' 'can you send me your phone numbers so I can call you'I deleted it. We were talking earlier and I mentioned it. He sounded angry that I'd brought her up again. I said I couldn't understand why he replies to her emails when he tells me he wants nothing to do with her. He said if he ignores her he gets more so 1 reply a month can't hurt!!!I really don't know what to think or do. I feel like he's playing mind games and mentally putting me down. He said he told me about the email as he tells me everything. I've noted her email and phone numbers and feel like contacting her. I don't think she knows I exist. Could really do with some on advice or comments on what others think or would do / say in my position. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, lucylou +, writes (14 March 2006):
lucylou is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIn reply to PIE-guts: he doesnt react well to ultimatums. If I did say its me or her he would say if I trust him it wouldnt bother me. I really, really do trust him its the way hes doing this that I cant understand. if he told me he was still in contact with her it would be fine and im sure i would of spoken or met her by now. he would say he cant make her stop calling and emailing. regarding the emails 6 months ago, hers were in a folder with his daughters name on.
please dont think im giving excuses, its a bit more info.
A
female
reader, lilred112  +, writes (14 March 2006):
 I agree with the first answer entirely you should just stand up to him and let him know how you feel and if he love you he will respect how you feel.
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A
female
reader, smeedle  +, writes (14 March 2006):
 This is a difficult one as it seems she is trying to make the contact and he is trying to resist.
He may just want to see her again through interest, you say he has lost weight and changed in appearance, maybe a part of him wants her to see how well he looks, did she finish with him?
He knows you can check his e-mails so I would think that if he was up to something he would just set up a new e-mail account to keep in contact with her, one you did not know about.
It does seem like he is not telling you the whole truth and this is maybe because he is struggling with wanting to see her for old times sake but wanting not to upset you.
If I was you I would take controle of this situation and tell him to invite her to a resturant were you can be introduced to her when she comes to Greece.
This way you can meet her under your terms and you can make sure she understands you are a happy couple.
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A
male
reader, pie-guts +, writes (14 March 2006):
Well it could be nothing. The fact that he asked you to check his emails 6 months ago, more than likely knowing her emails were there, suggests she means nothing to him. And lets face it, it's not uncommon to still be on good(chatting) terms with your ex. However, being a red-blooded aussie male myself, you don't just call any random chick "Babe". Particularly not an ex. Sure chicks might do it all the time, but as for myself, and most blokes i know, "babe" is not a common term for just a friend. My advice, give him the ultimatum. Tell him you want him to have nothing to do with her. If he truly loves you, then he'll give her the flick.
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